The Big Kahuna, Part II: Cover Controversy Gone Wild!

We’ve discussed many, many romance covers, and last year we held a contest to challenge the Bitchery to come up with a better cover than, well, many of the ones we’ve snarked! We provide the copy, and y’all design the covers. Last year’s contest yielded some beautiful covers, and the winner of the Amateur division ended up freelancing for a few presses when her cover won the contest. We can’t promise job offers for all winners, but hey, a lotta publishing folks read this site.

But then again, maybe we can! We here at the Bitching HQ have decided that we need to help out Mrs. Giggles’ new publishing enterprise, Trixy Lion ePublishing. Mrs. Giggles, she needs covers. And titles. So, as with last year’s contest, here’s the deal:

Candy and I shall provide you with cover copy. You design the cover based on our copy.

We have two divisions: Amateur and Professional. If graphic design, art, or covers for hot man-titty romance are your professional occupation, you’re no amateur. But! There shall be two sets of prizes.

The Rules

1. No copyrighted images. (We don’t want to get bloody suuuuued!) You can use stock images, or make your own.
2. You must submit 350×500 images, along with a thumbnail of 88 x 125.
3. You must submit your image in one of the three web-recognized formats (.jpg, .gif, or .png). No photoshop documents – they’re bloody huuuuuuge!

The Deadline

Your images must be emailed to Sarah AND Candy by Friday, September 14 2007.

The Prizes

Winner, which will be tabulated by Smart Bitchery Vote, will receive a $50 gift certificate to, and mad pimpage on our site if you have a website of your very, very own. Plus, we’ll send you some books with really, really hot covers. Srsly.

And now, your inspiration:

Our subgenre for this year’s TRixY Lion cover contest is…

Gay inspirational erotica!

You can use any religion for your inspirational element, including but not limited to:

The many flavors of Christianity!
The many flavors of Paganism!
The many flavors of Buddhism!
Hare Krishna!
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism!

We here at SBTB define “gay inspirational erotica” as “a romantic story between two protagonists of the same gender/sex in which both explicit sexual activity and religious or spiritual beliefs play a major role in the romantic relationship.” Please note: “Gay” does not necessarily mean two men!

So plaese surbmit yr covers for Trixy Plion Publishng – we needs artists!

The Cover Copy

Bailey Drew is a sous chef with a secret – the brilliant chef is really the mastermind behind the recipes at the hot new restaurant, Holy Nest. But someone is sabotaging the dining room and the kitchen, trying to drive the place out of business, and possibly ruining Bailey’s chance to step from the shadows and reveal that Bailey is the Head Chef.

Taylor Quinn will stop at nothing to see Holy Nest fail – the building was originally the most sacred spiritual center for Quinn’s faith, and the idea that hot beef and clams are now served where worship and serenity once ruled is more than upsetting. But Quinn is unable to cross the incredible chef who is always in the kitchen – and always in Quinn’s ever-simmering thoughts.

And now, The Smart Bitches Decree – Let the Games Begin!

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Teddy Pig says:

    Oh you should know better than to tempt the Teddy…

    Gay inspirational erotica!

    I give you OH JESUS!


  2. 2
    smartmensab-tch says:

    Dear Goddess! I can’t wait to see the “submissives.”

    Good non-gender specific character names!

  3. 3
    smartmensab-tch says:

    Dear Goddess! I can’t wait to see the “submissives.”

    Good non-gender specific character names!

  4. 4
    SB Sarah says:

    Heh – thanks! Last year’s contest used pharmaceutical names, and this year, since I’m knee-deep in baby name books, I went with gender neutral names, which are very very popular right now!

  5. 5

    Clams and beef?  Clearly Bailey isn’t cooking kosher at Holy Nest!

    But maybe that’s part of the tension….hmmmm….

    Waitaminute….hot beef and clams? 

    Oh.  Now I get it. 


  6. 6
    saltypepper says:

    Oh, I can see some refresh button abuse in the near future.

    If none of the submissions uses a turkey baster image I for one will be very, very disappointed.

  7. 7
    Carrie Lofty says:

    Xtians haz flavr? Mmmmm…..

  8. 8

    Holy crap! (No pun intended.) I’m going to hell just for reading the contest rules. 

    I can haz marshmallows ya?

  9. 9
    Mel-O-Drama says:

    I can has androgynous names.

  10. 10
  11. 11

    I smell—what does brimstone smell like, anyway?


    I can’t wait for a papal ban on the SB site.

  12. 12
    BevQB says:

    Teddy, might I suggest an alternative title? Or maybe you could use this for the climactic sequel…

    “Oh GOD! Yes! YES!”

    And December, you probably should be awarded a finder’s fee for that gem.

  13. 13
    Ann Bruce says:

    Jesus, Teddy!  You’ve had the picture sitting on your hard drive for a while haven’t you?

  14. 14
    Teddy Pig says:

    Well it’s all that “Sighing” Nun’s fault.
    You know, the nun who does the art museum tours of Europe on PBS?

    Anyway, she spent at least ten minutes staring at this thing. So as I was sitting there thinking WTF? I suddenly realized with a bit of Photoshop on the sides and this was not “dead Jesus” but actually “Jesus gets a handjob”.

    No wonder she likes the painting so much.

  15. 15
    Chrissy says:

    I did a page of spoofs about a year and a half ago:

    click here

    I hope that html worked.  It’s standard.

  16. 16

    Very nice, Chrissy.  I especially enjoyed Disco Duke and Pirate in His Pants.

  17. 17
    Chicklet says:

    I suddenly realized with a bit of Photoshop on the sides and this was not “dead Jesus” but actually “Jesus gets a handjob”.

    Teddy, have you been reading Bible slash? (Don’t worry; I’ll hang out with you when we’re both sent to Special Hell.) *g*

  18. 18
    Chrissy says:

    You realize everyone here is going to hell for even thinking that, right?

    I mean, even the people who don’t believe in hell are getting some fine print.


  19. 19
    Ines says:

    If we are going all to hell … hey Satanas, make us some room. We are quite a group! At least we won’t be bored or alone LOL

  20. 20
    smartmensab_tch says:

    Yep Ines, at least the company will be good.

    Come to think of it…I’ve spent most of my life in Dallas, and in the summer, that’s like an outpost of hell.  So maybe I won’t even know the difference. Huh.

  21. 21

    Agnosticism? Here’s a title:

    “I Could Go Either Way”


    “How Do You Know If You’ve Never Tried It?”

  22. 22
    dl says:

    Again?  Awesome!!  I iz xsited.

  23. 23
    megalith says:

    This is way too much fun.

    Can we do this more than once?

    ‘Cause now that I’ve started, once is not gonna be enough for me. I feel inspired.

    {giggle snort}

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