I’ll be honest: when I went through the RITA-nominated covers to look for snark-worthy options, I had a hard time finding covers that met our stringent requirements. What’s with all the luminous and very thought-provoking covers? Bummer!
But I persevered, and found the following special specimens.
Sarah: The key to convincing make-believe dress-up is the costume. Sadly, this guy totally, TOTALLY missed. He looks like he’s wearing the hat from The Little Prince that is actually an elephant eaten by a snake:
Candy: Honey, you can smile that way at him allll you want, but he’s actually aiming that smoldering look at the horse. I’m just sayin’.
Sarah: The Duke of her own apparently wants a fisting of his own, considering where he’s guiding her hand.
Candy: Almost looks like he’s moving her other hand towards muddy territory, too. A double fister! A true connoisseur! Makes the Goatse man look like a rank amateur.
Sarah: The heat of the moment is melting that woman. Look at her. She’s dead. She’s completely and utterly a corpse with a wonky monster eye. How romantic. I love a good bombs’n’necrophilia story!
Candy: The couple that gets radiation poisoning together, stays together. Probably because their skin fuses so tightly, they can’t separate.
Sarah: Clearly, you don’t have to go to Hollywood to get a Hollywood Tan. Judging by her tanline, she’s been to Ye Olde Regencye Tanninge Boothe plenty of times. Wearing granny panties.
Candy: His mistress by morning…his valet at night? That’s kind of a masculine-looking back, y’know?
I’m quite concerned about the woman’s missing arse crack from the Mistress by Morning cover… It really poses a lot of questions. Such as how the hell does she walk? And how will she become a mistress if she is unable to seperate her legs?
The His Mistress by Morning couple’s sex life is not only impeded by her inablity to seperate her legs – he seems to be growing out of the wall, which would rather limit their positions, I think.
Why do I find myself rooting for the bomb?
*Sigh* If it’s not asscrack at the mall, it’s asscrack on the cover of…no, wait a minute, there’s no asscrack. What is she, a Barbie doll?
“Almost looks like he’s moving her other hand towards muddy territory, too. A double fister! A true connoisseur! Makes the Goatse man look like a rank amateur.”
Um no, actually the early 80’s Christopher Rage underground video I saw of a guy sticking his head up another guys ass was the point where I figured I had seen the exact moment where everyone into fisting was now a rank amateur.
It was a stunning moment for me. I could not keep from watching the scene.
Now there’s something that should be on youtube.
“*Sigh* If it’s not asscrack at the mall, it’s asscrack on the cover of…no, wait a minute, there’s no asscrack. What is she, a Barbie doll?”
That’s one Hell of a “Maidenhead” he’s gonna have to bust through
That first look at “Heat of the Moment” had me wondering where the heroine actually was. First glance, I assumed the one on the right was, well, a guy wearing a bit too much eyeliner. The shading on the mouth gives her a distinct look of mustachery, too.
The hero on “Make-Believe Cowboy”? Is making believe that that robot is a real woman.
As it happens, The Ye Olde Regency Tanning Boothe was right next to Gunther’s in Mayfair—actually it was quite popular, though not mentioned in polite society . . . until now. Don’t even start me on that title—I sent it in as a joke never thinking they’d consider it a good one. Taught me a good lesson.
Thanks for snarking at my cover—it made me laugh.
His mistress by morning, his manstress by night. That’s a man, baby!
(I really enjoyed that book, but the cover….she looks like Johnny Weir from the back.)
With that much vaseline on the lens, not only the cowboy, but the girl and the horse could ALL be make-believe. Who the heck can tell WHAT is going on there?
I’m very fearful, because I actually have a serious question. Doesn’t it make for a rather amateurish-looking cover when the tops of the hero’s and heroine’s heads are cut off…and not even at the same point?
Hell, even e-books don’t pull boners that big.
Hey, wait a minute—that blurry cowboy. What does it say on his shirt? “Home is where the raunch is”? Pissnshit! That was going to be the title for my next EC… Oh, wait, I’m safe!
It’s too early in the morning for me… I thought the woman in His Mistress by Morning was looking in a mirror. The manly jaw freaked me out a bit.
Must get coffee. Now
Kim wrote: “It’s too early in the morning for me… I thought the woman in His Mistress by Morning was looking in a mirror. The manly jaw freaked me out a bit.”
LMAO! And how is that dress being hold up exactly?
I was too scarred by the hero missing half of his head to notice that his Morning Mistress had heinous tan lines. Does this mean Heroes’ Sylar ate Hiro and went back in time to nab the dude’s magical powers of mantitty?
And Christina Dodd’s cover blurb for A Duke of Her Own actually sums up that picture quite nicely: I’m torn between tears and joy just imagining all that double fisted goodness
I can’t even address The Make-Believe Cowboy.. Ever since that Web kerfuffle I read a few months ago about the polyamorous man and his horse…just say “neigh!”
That bomb is going to go off in Heat of the Moment if she hangs on his arm like that while he’s presumably trying to defuse it…
Your comments are hysterical, especially with the fisting. 🙂
I don’t even think it’s a bomb he’s trying to defuse, Jenyfer, it’s Philip Pullman’s Golden Compass!
Mr Turtleneck tries to shrug off the hand on his arm.
“Not now, honey! Thanks to my quirked eyebrow, I can see right into the bomb mechanism!”
But her hand is a dead weight, icy cold and corpse-like, and he hears her ravenous, indrawn breath rasping, “B-R-AINS!”
“Wait, this isn’t a bomb, it’s my kitchen sink drain!”
With a howl of agony, the zombie realizes that the turtleneck is just a ruse—he hasn’t got any brains at all!
LOL – actually my first thought was that it looked like the strainer for my kitchen sink too. And it doesn’t really seem to be attached to anything – a mime bomb??
Bitches! What did I say? The world is ready for zombie romances!
I want to officially announce that you couldn’t get a straight pin up my butt with a sledge hammer now!
Some things scare the baby 😉
what the hell is up with the guy on Heat of the moment? He reminds me of Alex Winter from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Like, I will totally disarm this cause Wild Stalions rule!!! OMG, someone is getting the therapy bill for this.
Clues: Make Believe Cowboy’s gal friend. In the Heat of the Moment’s bomb-disarming man.
Category: People with disturbing arm/ hand issues.
Honestly, what is wrong with that man’s hand? Is it talons, or are the fingers protruding out of some kind of foreskin?
LMAO! And how is that dress being hold up exactly?
Double-sticky tape. The rescuer of prom and beauty contest gowns everywhere. :}
The cover does suck, and the hat is the least of the problems, but Make-Believe Cowboy is a terrific read. Remove the cover if you have to, but read the book! It’s way better than most Super Romances. I love Terry, and I can’t wait till she’s big enough to have cover approval powers 🙂
His Mistress by Morning is wearing a bridesmaid’s dress from my cousin’s wedding in 1988.
Maybe it’s a new product. Like a hotdog stuck in the sink extractor.
In the Heat of the Moment is part of the Intimate Moments line? So, which intimate moment would that be, exactly…urgent in-sink vibrator repair?
“Hurry, honey. I can’t wait to vibrate your carrots.”
“Damnit! I’m screwing it in as fast as I can, Sugarbeets.”
Diana Duncan was complaining about the sucky cover for Heat of the Moment from the minute she first saw it.
Authors know when covers are sucky. Honest. And wish they could do something to fix them. Alas, we can’t. (And when we get a good one, we bless the cover gods.)