You know all those romance heroes, the ones who are “strong, rugged and breathtakingly handsome, yet sensitive, patient listeners and utterly unselfish?” Josefina found some for you. Have a look-see.
Sarah: What you don’t know is that that room? With the pink and the ochre and the flowers and lace? Is HIS room. That man is so very very gay, he sneezes teddy bears and sparkly pink hearts and rainbows – rainbows that talk and promise you he’s not gay, despite the issues of Butt, Thrust and Flesh4Men hidden under the bedspread.
Candy: Holy crap! Looks like Kelly dumped Woody for Greg of Dharma and Greg.
Sarah: If that man were an RPG character, he’d have an intellect of 1 and a strength of 600 on a scale of 1-10, and his name would be Ugga. And his “charm?” It’s in his pants, baby! His little Valentine can bench press an ox.
Candy: Note to cover artists: Look, we appreciate you attempting to achieve a certain level of verisimilitude on your covers, and I’m as tired of the over-sculpted gym monkeys on romance novel covers as the next person, but there’s really no need swing the pendulum all the way over to the other side and make the hero look like Creepy Uncle Vern, y’know?
Sarah: Romances, they are all about the woman’s dream, with no attention paid to the man’s dream. This poor guy, he’s even SHOWING his little lady his desire to engage in what-what-in-the-butt with any willing creature, and she smiles benignly ‘coz that baby pony is so cute. See how he gazes at you? He’s actually gazing at the artist’s assistant, who keeps bending over the paint supply box and doing the shimmy.
Candy: Y’know, that guy totally does look like he’s checking out somebody’s ass off-screen. But to be fair, that woman ain’t looking at the photo, either. Looking at the trajectory of the gaze, it looks like she’s weirdly, dreamily pleased by a random clump of grass about 4 feet away from them.
Speaking of that photo: I love that the whole “women love a bare-chested dude cradling a baby” schtick has somehow been carried over onto baby livestock, too.