We love Mrs. Giggles like a rockstar loves his vicodin, and her Blog Drama drinking game had us rolling on the floor. In
the spirit of shameless plagiarism
loving homage, we would like to present a Smart Bitch-specific version of the game. Feel free to click through the various kefufflage we’ve experiened the past month or so and drink until you feel like Ozzy Osbourne.
– Candy starts splitting infinitives, noun pairs and subject-verb pairs with “motherfucker” or “motherfucking”: 1 sip (small ones—we don’t you to experience alcohol poisoning here)
– Candy breaks into stupid Internet abbreviations because they make her LOL like AOL: 1 sip
– Or makes webcomic/webgeek references, and starts calling the Internet the Intertubes, Interwebs or Interblag: 2 sips
– Candy starts posting image macros: 3 sips
– And the macros are ORLY owls: 4 sips
– Or Lolcats: 5 sips
– Buttsecks owl invoked: Chug the damn mug
– Or Tubgirl: Throw up everything you’ve just drunk
– Candy acts like an asshole: 1 sip
– And admits as much in the comments: 2 sips
– Sarah posts a link or a news item and unexpectedly sets off a firestorm of OMGDRAMA: 2 sips
– Sarah eschews lengthy commentage about the drama and instead writes a whole new entry addressing the comments, complete with back-and-forth with Candy: 2 sips
– Sarah ponders, pontificates and asks questions: 1 sip
– Sarah starts getting pissed off and snipes back: GRAB YOUR FLASK AND RUN FOR COVER, FUCKERS
– Robin posts more than 500 words in her comment: 2 sips
– And Candy replies with 750: 3 sips
– EvilAuntiePeril shows up and writes a poem parody to mark the occasion: 3 sips
– Jane from Dear Author shows up and makes a comment defending readers: 1 sip
– And talks about authors behaving badly: 2 sips
– Then clarifies some sort of esoteric legal point: 3 sips
– Lilith Saintcrow, Bam et al reference inside joke: 1 sip
– Gratuitous image of a naked David Hasselhoff: 2 sips + bucket of bleach for your eyes
– Someone comments that Sarah or Candy is going to hell because we’re slimy, evil bottom-feeders: 1 sip
– And we’ve gone too far: 3 sips
– AND we are banned from internet: Chug a lug, baby.
– Someone makes the entirely original observation that two of the words in our blog title provide an oh-so-accurate reflection of the content: 4 sips
– Someone invokes the First Amendment incorrectly, a.k.a. Amy E’s law: 5 sips
– Someone else corrects that poster on their civil liberties: refill!
– Someone mentions Nazism, Fascism or both: 5 sips
– When really, they’re referring to generic authoritarianism and not Nazism or Fascism per se: 8 sips
– Someone threatens lawsuits: 10 sips
– Someone else delivers succinct correction as to how the legal system in the US works: 10 sips
– Suing commenter repeats threat anyway: drink till it’s dry.
– The central figure (or somebody claiming to be them) in the OMGDRAMA shows up in the comments: 2 sips
– And ends up making a semi-illiterate death threat: Drink what’s left of the bottle, break it over your head and allow prone body to be dragged off to the nearest car trunk
– Nora Roberts says ‘bitchipants fuckhead’: Go lie down for awhile. Bring the bottle with you.
– For every hour of work productivity lost because you’re too busy refreshing the comments and/or typing out lengthy
flamebait
pure erudition in the form of comments: 1 sip
I knew “bitchipants fuckhead” would make an appearance!
What about anyone threatening suicide due to the harshness of the review? How many points for that?
Awesome. But I think you need to add take 1 sip whenever cake/cluecake is mentioned, and take 10 sips for Candy’s dichotomy icing quote.
You are right – any reference to cake, cake recipes, leaving cake out in the rain, or the icing on said cake: 10 sips.
Nora said ‘bitchipants fuckhead’? Damn, so much for my plan to not read any more of the comments, I HAVE to see that lol.
Actually, it was fuckheady bitchipants, originally—as fuckheady was used as modifier in that particular instance.
But I find it a versatile phrase, in all forms and usages.
Lord have mercy, she said it again.
Grab a bottle and go back to bed! WOO!
Good lord, we’d be soused by noon!
I’m goin’ to lay down. Thanks, Nora…I was hoping for a nap today.
Did you forget to add someone whining “Why can’t we all be niiiiiiice?” (hit her, then take a sip)
Or was I too blotto by that point to catch it?
Aw, you left out my favourites:
When someone accuses someone else of not being who she says she is but actually her evil clone/rabid fan/agent/mother
and
When this is in fact the case
I’m gonna have to start mixing my Cosmopolitans in a bucket lest I have to make repeated trips to the liquor cabinet.
Wonderful! I love it! LMAO!
Hey, do we get the whole bottle regardless if it is “bitchipants fuckhead” or “fuckheady bitchipants”?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Also I agree, definitely have to put something in there to accomodate all the icing and cupcake references, otherwise we’ll be missing out on a lot of opportunities in this game.
Thank you for the laugh, ladies,um….bitches, um where the heck did my gaming glass go?
Jeez…Ya’ll are killing me. At some point I have to get work done but I can’t tear myself away from the snark!
Nice. Now I’m drunk at work.
>>Now I’m drunk at work<<
And this is a bad thing because….?
>>And this is a bad thing because….?<<
LOL! Actually it’s a good thing because I’m training a bitchipants intern today who talks way too much… Where’s my vodka?
I gave up alcohol. I’ll sub for coffee and buzz around the room.
A few observations:
The Sunshine on my Buttcheeks fella from 04.27 coversnark is clearly WEARING fuckheady bitchipants.
Fuckheady Bitchipants are Official Alarmingly Clothed Terror Alert Level: Orange
Lurker chimes in with off-topic observations: two sips
forget the naked Hasselhoff, has anyone pulled out the THE HASSELHOFFIAN RECURSION???
http://www.post-literate.com/gerpunx/archives/2005/01/prepare_to_lose_your_mind.php
That Hasselhoff thing is soooo wrong. Where’s my bleach?!!!!!
So help me Jebus I’ll have a “fuckheady bitchipants” t-shirt for Dallas! I already texted my little sister who works for a t-shirt company . . . can I get arrested in TX for wearing “fuckheady bitchipants” right across my tits?
Thanks! Just in time for the MD Wine fest too. If I miss work on Monday…
>>can I get arrested in TX for wearing “fuckheady bitchipants†right across my tits?<<
Kalen, as long as your shoes match your handbag, you will be safe from arrest in Dallas.
In smaller Texas towns, however, “fuckheady bitchipants” t-shirts are still punishable by hanging.
So is saying the word “tits” in public.
– And ends up making a semi-illiterate death threat: Drink what’s left of the bottle, break it over your head and allow prone body to be dragged off to the nearest car trunk
I don’t know what’s going to do me in first, alcohol poisoning or intractable spasms of laughter.
I want to change my screenname to Fuckheady Bitchipants. Sarah, Candy, can you help me out with that?
Bottoms up, ladies!
*takes a swig*
Lurker chimes in with off-topic observations: two sips
Oh man, but for example a KF post… well sometimes you just don’t know.
Kalen, do you think such a t-shirt would get you more or less attention than that particular anatomical region received at nationals last year? I only ask coz Moi of the Eternally Flatchested craves a bit of notice—from someone other than my trained-not-to-be-picky hubby.
Ya got me on that one, lovelysalome. LOL! I miss the days when I was a more reasonable B-cup. *sigh* I wore a scoop-neck T-shirt at Disneyland a couple months ago and a tween boy actually walked smack into a post. Poor little blighter.
>> For every hour of work productivity lost because you’re too busy refreshing the comments and/or typing out lengthy flamebait pure erudition in the form of comments: 1 sip <<
Can I get extra sips if the work I’m not getting done is studying for the Bar? …Because I needs the extra sips.
You are right – any reference to cake, cake recipes, leaving cake out in the rain, or the icing on said cake: 10 sips.
I don’t think that I can take this.
You are right – any reference to cake, cake recipes, leaving cake out in the rain, or the icing on said cake: 10 sips.
I don’t think that I can take this.
Well, it took so long to bake it!
You are right – any reference to cake, cake recipes, leaving cake out in the rain, or the icing on said cake: 10 sips.
I don’t think that I can take this.
Well, it took so long to bake it!
And you’ll never have the recipe again… Oh, noes!
—Diane, delurking, because who can pass up a gratuitous reference to Richard Harris’s recording career??
Er…I believe I may have just been hypnotized by David Hasselhoff’s crotch.
pilgrims, you deserve a good cockpunch in your thackers for that link.
my word: “like81” as in I just saw Hasselhoff in his undies superimposed on Hasselhoff in his undies like 81 times, goddamnit!
A haiku:
To the Smart Bitches
Your blog tends to cause me pain
From fits of laughter
Ooh, I wanna do a haiku, too!
Boiling eyes in bleach
Is a joy after being
Hassled by Hoff’s crotch.
Did somebody say Haiku?
Only on Smart Bitches
can you read Nora Roberts’
“Bitchipants Fuckhead”.
Smart Bitches are mean
malicious haters, and they
Kick puppies as well.
Editors! Models!
Publishers! Distributors!
Read the drama here!
Cover snark is fun
“What what in the butt” was great
Stop linking Tubgirl!
TMI and pics
Of things I’d rather not see
Bitches go too far.
Delightfully bad
Behavior, covers, reviews
Gleeful squees abound.
Haiku Bitch contest?
I’d toss out some verses but
EAP would win.
Yanno, that “fuckheady bitchipants” is quite a catchy phrase. I’ve had it stuck in my head for DAYS. Now I’ve just got to find a person other than myself to apply it to. 🙂