Never doubt my love for you, O Readers

I made a Bad Book Pact with Sarah: If she reads and reviews a Cassie Edwards, I’ll read and review Karen Kay’s Red Hawk’s Woman.

I’m 20 pages into the book, and I’m really not sure how much longer I can last, especially because the book is littered with word misuses like these: “At once, Clark’s teeth stopped chattering, the shaking subsisted, and with a long, scraping breath, the elderly gentleman fell back against his bed.”

This is going to hurt. And not even in a fun, kinky way. More like, “getting my finger trapped in the garage door only to have the neighbor lady run over to help me but after finding out the door was stuck, praying loudly to Jesus to take my pain away instead of running to get somebody else to help free the door” levels of pain and comedy.

Man, the things I do for the Internets….

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Random Musings

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  1. 1

    *sigh*  I feel your pain.  I just tossed into the recycle pile a book I bought yesterday.  The POV jumps were making my head hurt, and the characters weren’t engrossing enough to keep me hanging in there with them.

    But I’m looking forward to a full review from both you ladies.  That, at least, will take away some of my pain.

  2. 2
    Doug says:

    Seriously, Candy, what is the most painful thing you’ve done for the Internets?

    I think me reading Cosmo month after month ought to get me some kinda Internets mojo . . .

  3. 3
    Charlene says:

    Subsisted?

    And is Clark the elderly gentleman, or did his subsisting shaking make an old guy pass out?

    WE WANT TO KNOW!

  4. 4
    Ann Aguirre says:

    Thank goodness the shaking subsisted. I do wonder what on, though. Mayhaps gov’t cheese?

  5. 5
    casadebelcher says:

    The shaking subsists entirely on Krispy Kremes so the shaking is a little plump. There was one weekend, though, that the shaking was trapped outside and subsisted on twigs and berries.

    Also, a shot of Bushmills always cures the long, scraping breath.

  6. 6
    Charlene says:

    A shot of Bushmills cures everything.

  7. 7
    Stove says:

    Dude, we all do horrible things in the name of the internets. I’m getting ready to BAKE BANANA BREAD AND EAT IT, all so the Blog Demons wont cause my shaking to subsist (if you catch my drift).

    Be brave. Consider the Bushmills solution—or, if you can find it, Black Bush.

    Word to your internets.

  8. 8
    Wirdald says:

    Y’all are brave. May I ask what prompted this Bad Book Pact?

    Based on that one-line excerpt, I expect Candy’s brain to melt before she’s able to finish. Then again, we haven’t seen a line from Sarah’s Bad Book. Can it possibly be as painful (and not in the “Oh, it hurts. It hurts so gooood” way) as Candy’s?

  9. 9
    Elizabeth says:

    Candy, you are hardcore.  And I hope that your misery soon subsists. *choke*

  10. 10

    *laughs gleefully and rubs hands together in antici…….. pation*

    Oh, now here’s a review I cannot WAIT to read.  But speaking of bad books, we’re still waiting to find out… which Bitch is going to Hassel the Hoff?

  11. 11
    Jenyfer says:

    I toy with the idea of reviewing books for some romance website or other from time to time – you just reminded me why I haven’t yet taken the plunge (because then I would   be obligated to finish such books)

  12. 12
    Teddy Pig says:

    Candy’s pain was hopefully subsisted
    the bad book she read was so twisted
    It was not so much the grammar
    or the plot holes for that matter
    but the HEA was MIA and that clinched it.

  13. 13
    taybug says:

    I feel your pain, girl! *double thumping chest with fist* I read a Lora Leigh last week that made we want to rip the horrible pages out then knock on her front door and flutter them wildly when she answered. Maybe her teeth would chatter and shake and subsist.

    Go all Zen and try to remember that you aren’t doing this for the Internets or even a stupid-ass pact with Sarah (I’m sure you knew better even as you agreed to it). You’re doing it for your loyal readers because we need to know the TRUTH about Cassie Edwards.

    *nation66…‘cause I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free…

  14. 14
    Poison Ivy says:

    Incomprehension of the meaning of a word that the writer did not have to use in the first place is just unforgivable. When this kind of dreck oils its way into publication, sarcastic reviews are deserved. The nastier and more sarcastic the better.

    By the way, if you haven’t already mutilated the book, take it back to the bookstore and demand a refund. Bad writing is an acceptable reason for a return. Maybe if enough people return bad books, those authors’ sales figures will go down and their careers will require more effort on their part (like, say, better writing).

  15. 15
    Kaite says:

    *bangs head on desk*

    I tried a Rebecca Brandywine once, and it had the same effect on me. I kept it, though, because if I ever want to MSTK3000 something, it will be handy and DAMN, it had Fabio in mukluks on the stepback. Why would I ever want to give something that fabulous up? :-)

  16. 16
    DS says:

    Oh, there is much to know about Karen Kay.  I suggest a trip to her web site:  http://www.novels-by-karenkay.com

  17. 17
    DebR says:

    OMG, that word misuse thing would make me insane. Gaahhh!

    I can’t remember what book it was that I read recently where there was a reference to a “grizzly” crime scene and the writer didn’t mean the murders were committed by a bear.

    head:::desk
    head:::desk
    head:::desk

  18. 18
    Najida says:

    My problem is usually the books that everyone else hates, I love and the books I think are awful other readers are talking about what great something er other they had in the writing style.

    Like I notice prose?  Like I care about character development?  Like I can spell?

    Anyhow, thanks for taking a bullet for our side ;)

  19. 19
    Becca says:

    Even my beloved Nora Roberts does this occasionally: she used “demigod” where she she clearly meant “demagogue” consistently in a scene in Seduction in Death – drove me nuts, but she’s such a good writer otherwise I let it go. (but I can’t re-read that book without cringing, nonetheless.)

  20. 20
    iffygenia says:

    Aieee.  Sounds like a Cheryl Holt, with a wallbanger sentence on every page!

    “Attired solely in a flimsy white robe that was loosely cinched at her waist, one of her breasts was completely exposed, the nipple large and attenuated.”

    “What was she doing, skulking and prying, while cogitating as to the genital size of the robust rogue?”

    “What would it be worth to her to stave off the future that was winging toward her like a runaway carriage?”

    “Westmoreland was the darling of the kingdom, his courage bandied over in every tavern in the land”

  21. 21
    Victoria Dahl says:

    “What was she doing, skulking and prying, while cogitating as to the genital size of the robust rogue?”

    Oh my.

    I’m confused by the Karen Kay website. Each of these books gives the hero the opportunity to save his people. . . Does this mean the hero fails?  Because in the next book there is a new hero trying to save the cursed village. Huh.

  22. 22

    I must confess, I misused the word “barratry” in Pirate’s Price.  It refers to a very specific act of damage or embezzlement at sea, where I used it in a description of piracy.

    And sometimes what strikes us as author errors while we’re reading can more properly be blamed on publishers who use spellchecking programs or poorly trained copy editors.  Yes, the author is ultimately responsible to the reader, but changes can happen even after an author signs off on a manuscript.

  23. 23
    Grace Draven says:

    Agree with Darlene here.  Reading that, and the examples some of the other posters noted, my first question was “Why didn’t the copy editor catch this?”

  24. 24
    Danielle says:

    Fabio in mukluks

    Oh…my. I went in search of this vision and found not one, but two (!) Brandewyne covers featuring a frozen Fabio.

    Strangely, he doesn’t seem to be concerned about frostbite on his chest.

  25. 25
    Candy says:

    Ohhhh, there’s more than just iffy word choice issues going on, kids. Much, much more. The word choice was the easiest (and funniest) to point out. I’m just hoping the pain subsists after a while. I’d take the Bushmill’s suggestion, except I’m allergic to alcohol. I’m thinking chocolate therapy may be warranted. (Crap, now I’m going to live the “fat woman with cats who reads terrible romance novels” stereotype, aren’t I?)

  26. 26
    Kalen Hughes says:

    I’m confused by the Karen Kay website. Each of these books gives the hero the opportunity to save his people. . . Does this mean the hero fails?  Because in the next book there is a new hero trying to save the cursed village. Huh?

    Me, too. WTF?

    And as a Native American I just love the way she calls herself “the authentic American Indian romance author” and then goes on to gush about how Dances with Wolves inspired her. *insert sound of this Oglala barfing*

  27. 27
    Victoria Dahl says:

    You’re allergic to alcohol?! GACK!

  28. 28
    Robin says:

    And sometimes what strikes us as author errors while we’re reading can more properly be blamed on publishers who use spellchecking programs or poorly trained copy editors.

    I am more likely to blame editors than authors for errors in final copy, because I view that surface level clarity as within the domain of the editor.  Yes, I understand that editors are often overworked and undervalued, which is why I’ve established a two-hand rule for error discovery.  If I am counting more than 20 errors (one for each finger) in any given book, and I’m talking word misuse, chronic typos, pathologically incorrect punctuation, I’m getting frustrated as a reader.  Notice that I said “discovery,” because I figure if I don’t catch an error, it’s not there for me. And yes, if a book is compelling enough, I will subconsciously overlook errors unless they are clustered or persistent.  Sometimes bad editing makes me more frustrated than bad writing, because editing is something that can be fixed.  And a well-edited book can come across to me as a more strongly written book than it might otherwise seem.

  29. 29
    Kalen Hughes says:

    I am more likely to blame editors than authors for errors in final copy, because I view that surface level clarity as within the domain of the editor.

    And sometimes the copy editors and just plain bat-shit crazy. Mine changed “tits” (small horses that pull a carriage) to “teats”. *shudder* I assure you that I was NOT writing some kind of pony-girl erotica where “teats” where harnessed up to a carriage. I caught that one before the book went to press, but I cringe at the thought of what I might have missed.

  30. 30

    ARRRRRRRRRGH! subsisted????

    *shoots self*

    It reminds me of one of my serious pet peeves: IRREGARDLESS

    Regardless of what you may have heard,
    Irregardless is NOT a word.

    *chases valium with vodka and goes back to writing*

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