Creationism: A Smart Bitch Photoshop Contest

It’s time we had some more fun with Photoshop, right? I mean, it’s been awhile since we’ve Gone Too Far!

So! Behold: the Smart Bitch Inspirational Cover Art Contest.

Verily, you taketh the image below, or another image of the Adam & Eve diorama at the Creation Museum in Kentucky, and you maketh a Inspirational Romance cover out of it.

Hide those boobs!

Title of your choosing, author name of your choosing – and oh, the blurb of your choosing. Just make sure that uber mantitty Adam and strategically-placed-hair-over-her-breasts-omg-think-of-the-children Eve are on the cover.

Send it in to candy @ and sarah @ by June 7, and we’ll post them for voting and vitriol on June 8. Voting will commence then and end June 12, and we’ll announce the winners June 13.

Winners get a $25 gift certificate to Amazon, a Smart Bitch Title, and if you want, a nightlight in the shape of Jesus. He’s iridescent. Yes, I am absolutely sure Jesus was and is iridescent. I hath seen it with my own eyes.

Go forth in peace to love and serve the Lord, by which we mean the Man-titty.

EDITED TO ADD: And behold, a two-part contest! Let we rely to heavily on the power of the Photoshop, once we select the winner, a cover copy writing contest will follow. Stay tuned!

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Laree says:

    I don’t have any talent for Photoshop, but I’m looking forward to the entries.

    Good luck bitches!

  2. 2
  3. 3
    SB Sarah says:

    If it were still available, you know I’d offer this one as a prize.

    It FOLLOWS YOU around the ROOM.

  4. 4

    Too bad the Threat Alert Jesus:

    was fake.  It would have made one heck of a prize.

  5. 5
    Teddy Pig says:

    Oh that night light! No way!

    I do not want Jesus watching me in bed.

  6. 6
    Bella says:

    i’d be more scared of beheaded jesus following me around the room with his gaze than any other boogies. guh. anybody see “8 heads in a Dufflebag”?

  7. 7

    Nowhere in Genesis did I read about Adam and Eve swimming with the lily pads.

    Not to mention: ew. “Hey honey, we’re naked! Let’s go swim in the stagnant pool and touch each other!”

    Creationism, my foot. Or shall I say, Creationism, my prehensile tail.

  8. 8
    DS says:

    Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!

    I would think that night light would be more appropriate for St. John the Baptist.  It would be even better on a silver platter with a ceramic Salome holding it out.

  9. 9
    Lisa says:

    ::rubs hands together gleefully::

    Oh, this is going to be way more fun than it should be :)

  10. 10
    Arethusa says:

    Oh god, that night light is going to give me nightmares. :(

  11. 11
    marfil says:

    Am I the only one who thinks Adam looks a lot like Pan? Under the water, you just know there are goat feet…

  12. 12
  13. 13
    lillipilli says:

    Dang! Someone has got to use this Creation Museum display for the back cover, surely.
    It’s the gates of heaven (snicker). I particularly like the way it’s labelled “Thou Shalt Not Touch! Please”. Apparently Mother Earth’s a prude.

  14. 14
    dillene says:

    What is Eve looking at?  And why is she smirking?

  15. 15
    Miri says:

    Why do they resemble Victoria “Posh” Beckham and Randolf Mantooth?

  16. 16
    Brandi says:

    It FOLLOWS YOU around the ROOM.

    Religious iconography should not be based on stuff you see in Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion.

  17. 17
    Ishie says:

    Wait… I thought Alanis Morrisette was GOD, not Eve.  Now I’m so confused, I may have a crisis of faith!

    And hmmm, she’s keeping her arms down and won’t come out of the water.  Methinks God has not yet invented depilatory cream, also indicated by Adam’s kickin’ poet beard.

    And what a darling little caucasoid couple for the originators of humanity.  Or is the fact that they’ve saved the blonde-haired/blue-eyed look for Jesus in favor of giving Adam and Eve brown hair supposed to be a nod to ethnic ambiguity?

    I just wanna see the diorama where they show Abram’s/Abraham’s circumcision.  That should be fun for the whole family.

  18. 18
    Jenyfer says:

    I really, really liked the link above to Adam and Eve in transition (posted by Tierney) where they are covered in plastic bags. Looked like some sort of alien birth scene…

  19. 19
    Suisan says:

    If they are without Orignial Sin in the garden, and therefore unclothed and unaware of the shame of nakedness, then why is her hair covering her breasts? It shouldn’t matter to her or to Adam.

    Oh. Forgot. Logic need not apply.

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