Indignity in Death

Yup. That’s right: More In Death covers. Because they’re just too good for us not to.

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Sarah: Attn. Mr. Art Person: The sword as phallic symbol should probably directed toward her love grotto, not cutting her off at the femur. Might nick an artery.

Candy: Really, she doesn’t need the sword to take off those cheap thigh-highs. Those Renn Fayre types can be so melodramatic sometimes. Tsk.

Conspiracy in Death
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Sarah: Really, I know that some doctors have a God complex, but are a snake-halo, rays of light, AND a crown of thorns really necessary?

Candy: If God is a surgeon, how much does it cost to take out malpractice insurance? Because when you think about it, the number of people killed by an act of God is truly mind-boggling. In fact, here’s a new twist on an old conundrum: Can God create a malpractice insurance premium so large, not even He can afford it?

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Sarah: Eve! Consuming raw heart is NOT a cold remedy substitute for the diluted heart & liver of the Barnaby duck. For that matter, it does not help with baldness, either.

Candy: Wow. Eve is suddenly black and possessed of a horribly misshapen bald head. Did the doctor yank her out with a pair of forceps? Or did she undergo radical plastic surgery because she took the term “heart-shaped face” wayyyy too much to heart after reading one too many romance novels?

Comments are Closed

  1. Nora Roberts says:

    Ha! I beat you do it and ALREADY had an alcoholic beverage when I dropped in! It’s not helping a lot, but I’ve got one in my hand—well except I had to put it down to use the keyboard.

    Wait a minute. Ah….!

    Okay, that’s better. Listen, Number One is OBVIOUSLY a Morris Dancer. She just likes to jump the sword in fuck-me shoes. What’s wrong with that? Huh?

    Two is, I’m assuming, Doctor St. Elsewhere. Or Doctor Angel St. Elswhere who died tragically in a hot-tub orgy incident and is bound to do his surgical penance for eternity.

    I suspect I’ll need more than one glass of wine for Number Three. What’s wrong with that woman’s (if it IS a woman) head? Is that her brain bulging out of her misshapened forehead? This is not Eve. No, no, don’t be mislead. I believe this is Sinead O’Conner’s long-lost black sister, who was abducted by aliens for their filthy sexual experiments. Cut her a break. She’s been through enough.

  2. Jess says:

    I just can’t stop staring at that Conspiracy in Death cover. Were they having a sale at Religious Symbolism R Us?  What a mess.  You didn’t mention the wings, Sarah. Wings that look like…hospital curtains? I need to re-read that book to figure out how they could possibly come up with that cover.

  3. Carrie Lofty says:

    No, the wings are knives. That’s actually Archangel of X-Men fame. Get over it, Warren! The whole Morlock thing was a long time ago! Will someone please knock the damn chip off his shoulder, you know, before he goes after Nancy Drew? (She’s baaack.)

  4. Jennie says:

    That bald one looks like Prince, minus that weird kerchief thing he had on his head during the superbowl.

    If I had copies of these covers, I’d have dust off my elementary school art skills and make paper bag covers for the books to prevent severe eye damage from gazing upon those covers (sorry Nora!)

  5. Keziah Hill says:

    I can’t help it! I love them! They are so bizarre!

  6. Amy E says:

    If Nora Roberts gets foreign covers like this, there is no hope for the rest of us.  None at all.

  7. shaina says:

    nora’s comment=pwnage.
    yeah.
    anyone wanna tell me the secret word in tonight’s movie? i cant see it, cuz i live in a dorm and the tv’s taken…thanks!

  8. dl says:

    #1.  What’s with the dangling sword?
    #2.  Looks like an illustration from a really bad religious tract printed in a 3rd world country.
    #3.  I wouldn’t touch a book with that cover, much less read it.

    What are publishers thinking?  Do we read because of the covers, or in spite of the cover?

  9. Randall says:

    I do not think “good” was quite the word you were reaching for.

  10. That bald one looks like Prince, minus that weird kerchief thing he had on his head during the superbowl.

    Liar! I thought the bald guy looked more like that model, Tyson Beckford, or Seal if he finally got surgery for those hideous wrinkles on his face. Or it could be a woman who just went through chemo. Look how feminine the face looks and…oh, wait. Now I knew why you said he looked like Prince, but I still stand by my conviction that it doesn’t look a thing like him, so there. Nyah!

    Why does the God-like figure in the second cover look like Harold Ramus (the guy who played Egon on Ghostbusters and was a castmember on that sketch show SCTV Network 90)?

    First one—except for the phallic looking sword, it looks more like an erotica book. At least the legs don’t look like they could be a man’s. But then again, Hugh Laurie (Dr. House) showed he had a nice pair when he did that SNL sketch where he was in drag (and lest we forget all those times he was in drag on “A Bit of Fry and Laurie”).

    I don’t know anymore. When are you going to go back to the sketches with the big-titted heros who may or may not be John DeSalvo, the heroines who look like post-op male-to-female transvestites, and the cheesy visual innuendo. Hell, I’ll take a snarking of those “Secret Baby” books. These aren’t just doing it for me.

  11. frog hip says:

    What I want to know is, what does “smrtici” mean? It looks the kinds of words my cat leaves when she walks across the keyboard, but it’s on two covers.

  12. Amy E says:

    It means the typesetter has a cat, frog hip.

  13. Charlene says:

    “Smrtící” means “deadly”

  14. Charlene says:

    Seal if he finally got surgery for those hideous wrinkles on his face.

    They’re not wrinkles; they’re scars from lupus. And he apparently can’t have surgery on them.

  15. Jeri says:

    #2: Getting past the tinfoil-winged angel examining the heart-shaped bedpan for a second…

    Is that not the world’s tallest, skinniest parking garage growing out of his leg?

  16. They’re not wrinkles; they’re scars from lupus. And he apparently can’t have surgery on them.

    Oh, great. Now I feel bad about what I said. 🙁

    But I still say that the guy in the third cover is not Prince.

  17. Cynthia says:

    I’m sick. I admit it. I kinda like the cover with the surgeon on it.

    In fact, what I will say about those Czech covers is that they’re really eye catching and they make you wonder what the hell is in the story. As I’ve read all these—I’m a JD Robb fan big time—I truly think the artist had to have read and loved the stories because there are symbolic elements in them that do come out on those covers.

    Okay, I’m gonna run off the stage, now!

    (Ducking while being pelted by old, dog-eared Rosemary Rodgers and Kathleen Woodiwiss paperbacks)

  18. TrainerJen says:

    Oh. My. GAWD.

    I can’t come up with any snark. I’m not as talented as you guys. I’ll just pour myself an adult beverage, and sit back and enjoy.

    Having read all these books, I guess I can see where they were coming from. But wow.

    Poor, poor Nora.

  19. Charlene says:

    I only wish I could stop seeing “Bubba Ho-Tep” now. Damn you, Candy.

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