Sarah: Candy, are these covers that should be outlawed? Because I can think of a few reasons why this cover should be sent away to the pen:
1. Bad Mullet – that’s 4-6 years right there.
2. SHE has a mullet, too! Another 6 year sentence.
3. Her SKIRT is a mullet as well – short in the front, long and doofy in the back. That right there, that’s a mullet trifecta and a crime against humanity. Lock ‘em up and toss the key. Life sentence, no possiblity of parole.
Candy: If we started outlawing mullets on romance novel covers, we’d have to co-opt Antartica for a new prison colony, and the glare of the sun reflecting off all that oiled man-titty would accelerate the melting of the ice caps even further, and then the emperor penguins would be well and truly fucked, instead of mostly-kinda-fucked like they are now, and is that what you want, Sarah, is it? WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST THE ADORABLE EMPEROR PENGUIN, I ASK YOU?
Candy: This is getting to be a refrain, but I’m going to repeat it until this simple truth is internalized: there’d be a lot less tenderness if only you’d use lube during buttsecks.
Sarah: Look, the poor dear is gesturing at two other places that are far less tender for his outlaw passion, but yet he heads for the highway. The tender outlawed-in-29-states highway. Poor thing.
Sarah: The Outlaw’s Woman looks like she’s been ridden hard and put away wet, if you get my meaning. Emaciated bubble-breasted women with bored looks on their faces? She’s had more than one outlaw in her womanhood, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
Candy: I have the feeling this woman has more than a passing acquaintance with santorum. That might be the source of her distracted expression, actually. “Did I wash the sheets last night? Or didn’t I? Dammit, next time I need to remember to use a towel.”
Candy: How apropos that we were just talking about Squicky Romance. “In this touching episode, young Maribelle finds out just how deep her father’s love runs for her.”
Heh. It occurred to me that it’d be amusing if somebody created a show called Touched by a Cop. Really wrong, but amusing. And to make it even more wrong, the first guest star could be Mostafa Tabatabainejad.
Sarah: Why in the name of outlawed buttsecks is a jheri-curled Prince Charles on the cover of a romance novel?!?