Here’s some Fun

My mom gave me the heads up about this one – Slate is asking readers to match the prose to the politician who wrote it. They call it “porn.” From the excerpts I’m reading, I call it “crap.” As if we needed further proof that writing a romantic or sensual sex scene is not as easy as one might think.

I want to know how come none of the books I’ve read have featured a heroine “athwart” the hero’s chest with “breasts flailing wildly.” I’m missing out, clearly!

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The Link-O-Lator

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  1. 1
    Tina Lu says:

    Hey,  I kinda liked the scepter that had devoted services. 

    I’m afraid I wasn’t very good at this game.  I only got one right.  Ya know the one that used the cigar.

  2. 2
    Anon says:

    Something’s going wrong; I’m getting this error message:

    Notice: Array to string conversion in /home/smartbitches/htdocs/savage/core/core.input.php on line 283

    And I can’t get to the rest of any posts that are cut.

  3. 3
    Rosemary says:

    Later, back at her house, they made love. It was fierce, two rivers of energy rushing together, gloriously, powerfully. No words were needed.”

    No, Mr. Hart.  Good words were needed.

    I don’t know why, but the use of gloriously in any context bugs the living hell out of me.

  4. 4
    Scooper says:

    I’m getting a rush of confidence. If they can get published with this rubish then maybe I’ll get published with semi-rubish. :cheese:

  5. 5
    Suisan says:

    breasts flailing?

    Ow.

    (I’m guessing those are the well known post-breast-feeding breasts.)

  6. 6
    SB Sarah says:

    Suisan, I thought that same thing. It HURTS when your breasts flail.

  7. 7
    Elizabeth says:

    Hmm… my thoughts on the “breasts flailing wildly in the air” was that they were some of those tribal women who have their breasts ironed (ie, smashed), when they hit puberty.  Not sexy.

    Also, I can’t be the only person who laughed at #1.  A lot.

  8. 8
    L. Francesca says:

    The one about the cigar almost had me saying “Bill Clinton!” but then he turned out not to be an option. =/

  9. 9
    Keziah Hill says:

    “transmuted, voluptuarian elation”. William F Buckley eh? What a man among men.

  10. 10
    lillipilli says:

    Hmmmnnn. This to me illustrates perfectly why most politicians shouldn’t even be let out of the madhouse, much less write romance novels.

  11. 11
    --E says:

    Holy crap, that’s some bad shit.

    I want to know how a woman can straddle a man and have her hands on his chest, and still have her back to him. Perhaps this is why her breasts are flailing?
    ::checks answers::
    Good lord, that’s Webb’s. Sheesh. If that’s what happens when conservative Christians try to write sex scenes, maybe it’s best that they stick to writing the non-graphic stuff.

    Barbara Boxer’s (#11) wasn’t so bad (though I hope the dialogue isn’t so trite in the rest of the book).

    Hey, maybe y’all should run a contest? People submit a paragraph or two from their own sex scenes? Just to prove that the Bitchery has better writers than Washington? (Or, conversely, to prove that anything taken out of context loses something vital. Let’s be fair, here.)

  12. 12
    maya says:

    Damn.  My breasts are so boring.  They have never, ever flailed, wildly or otherwise.

  13. 13
    Keziah Hill says:

    Damn.  My breasts are so boring.  They have never, ever flailed, wildly or otherwise
    Snort!

  14. 14

    Either I need to run for office or these guys need to stop writing.

    And the only ones I knew for sure were the Starr Report (I liked the Hemingwayesque sparing use of prose) and the Lynn Cheney one with the girl-girl action.

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