Princess Sorcha was kind enough (I think) to alert us to the travesty of artwork that is the Hungarian publications of the J.D. Robb collection. To quote her Highness, “I keep them wrapped in paper.” I can understand that decision!
Sarah: Half porn, half cutlery commercial, all very, very bad.
Wait. What’s that tubular thing tucked into her left stocking? Ho-lady better watch out for those knives.
Candy: WHY ARE GIANT BUTTER KNIVES CROSSED IN FRONT OF JENNA JAMESON? And what’s that wacky-looking goo spattered on them? ‘Cause with Jenna, you really don’t know where those knives have been.
Sarah: “Like, hi! Are you, like, totally trying to, like, operate on me? Because, like, anaesthesia, like, totally doesn’t have any, like, effect on me because I’m, like, toooootally undead, you know? So, peekaboo! I, like, see you!”
Wait, were there mussy-haired undead creatures in the J.D. Robb series?
Candy: It’s pretty obvious what’s going on. This woman was kidnapped by a deranged band of sleep-deprived gay medical students who are determined to do the MOST EXTREME MAKE-OVER OF ALL: surgical hair styling! Without conditioner or highlights! Except they were too wired on No-Doz to hold on to her hair, so they used forceps in an attempt to help things stay steady.
Sarah: Now that’s subtle. The only thing better would be if there were melons perched on her blouse.
Candu: The cat’s giving her such an evil look because the woman actually has her kittens smuggled under her blouse.
No, really. C’mon. This woman is pancake flat EVERYWHERE except for one very significant portion of her anatomy. Stop the senseless, inhumane use of kittens-as-prostheses NOW!
Sarah: Is she a borg? Or did she just have hot robot sex with Terminator II?
You know, it doesn’t really matter, because I want to know where he got that plumping lipstick. And that fly haircut.
Candy: It’s not big secret that I like girly men, and find androgyny in general to be a turn-on. But when a dude sports some of that Bonne Belle lip shimmer crap—well, a girl’s gotta draw the line.
And that half-metal woman doesn’t look borg-like so much as a porn star with a serious SF cosplay fetish.
Sarah: In honor of the sadness of this day, I will roll myself in dirt and perform my yoga-inspired tribute in front of this not-entirely-geographically-correct backdrop.
But you’ll have to excuse me a moment before I start. As you can see from my posture, I REALLY have to pee.
Candy: Four words: Crack Whore Interpretive Dance. I can practically hear Stravinsky’s “The Rite of Spring” piping over the garish skyline right now.