The Big Kahuna Contest: Cover Controversy, Gone Wild!

After many weeks of cover snark, picking on classics and computer generated images, with no mercy for any publisher who dares tempt the wrath of Man-Titte, Candy and I, we are well acquainted with the cover that is resplendent in its badness.

And we are also familiar with the comment and the private email from various sources that all read similarly; to wit: “You want to snark on my cover? Let’s see YOU DO BETTER, Huh?!”

To which we said to one another, “Ok!”

And thus, a Smart Bitch Contest is born.

But this is a different contest, a contest with challenges not of the writing variety, but of the design variety. We know you’re good at the writing. We want to check out your l33t Photoshop skills.

So! Candy and I are going to provide you with the cover copy of a paranormal romance novel. Your task, should you choose to accept it, is to design the cover for our novel.

Edited July 13th to Add:

Due to response, we’re opening our contest up to professional artists and amateurs in separate categories. So please make sure to tell us under which heading you fall, and we’ll have two slots of judging (and two sets of prizes, because we are Generous Bitches).

The Rules

1. No copyrighted images. (We don’t want to get bloody suuuuued!) You can use stock images, or make your own.
2. You must submit 350×500 images, along with a thumbnail of 88 x 125.
3. You must submit your image in one of the three web-recognized formats (.jpg, .gif, or .png). No photoshop documents – they’re bloody huuuuuuge!
4. Your image must have the word “Savage” incorporated in the title or the cover blurb.

The Deadline

Your images must be emailed to Sarah AND Candy by Wednesday, July 19.

The Prizes

Prizes will be commensurate with the effort – winner, which will be tabulated by Smart Bitchery Vote, will receive a $50 gift certificate to, and mad pimpage on our site if you have a website of your very, very own.

And now, your inspiration:

The Cover Copy

A Desperate Secret…

Chase Thurston Spencer Hastings V is a mild-mannered stock broker by day, but at night, he desperately tries to lock himself in his apartment, even as he wakes up every morning with blood on his trousers, fur clutched between his hands, and no knowledge of his activities the night before.

A Covert Operative…

Vaniqa Lorcet Valtrex is a princess working undercover without the protection of her kingdom, seeking the truth about a mysterious family of murderers who appear, strike, and dissolve into mist. She’s chased the rumors of their existence to New York, where she thinks she’s found the heir to their powerful heritage—and incredibly hairy feet.

A Perfect Opportunity for Love…

From her perch in a penthouse across the street from his, Vaniqa spends her every moment watching the mysterious man, waiting for her chance to avenge her best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend.

And now, The Smart Bitches Decree – Let the Games Begin!

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Dee says:

    Oh, I am SOOOO all over this, lol! Not that I think I can do so much better than the poser folks—or at least, I’d never say something like that outloud if I did—but I’m such a PR whore, lol.

    Hee hee!

  2. 2
    Lisa says:

    July 19th?! That’s not enough time to do it right!


  3. 3
    celeste says:

    Hmm…I’m tempted to do the WORST cover ever. :-)

  4. 4
    Mrs. MJ says:

    What’s photoshop? Just kidding; I was all over the idea until I realized I have no computer skills to speak of. But I can’t wait to see what you other smart bitches can do!

  5. 5
    DebH says:

    That sound you hear is me, softly weeping over my non-existant photoshop skillz.  Which, now that I think of it, should really do nothing to deter me from entering this contest, given some of the abominations we’ve seen given their rightful SB snarkage.  Hmm.

  6. 6
    shaina says:

    dammit, that means i’ll be at camp when the results come out, and i wont have access to a comp again until like august 7th. dammit.

  7. 7

    I don’t have any skills to bring to this contest, but I can hardly wait to see the results.

  8. 8
    Amy E says:

    Aw HELL yeah, bring that fucker ON!  SuhWEEEET!  I’m so in.

    … just to clarify, we ARE actually trying to make something that looks good, yes?  We’re not trying to make the most deliciously snarkable travesty of a cover ever, no?

  9. 9

    I was hoping for a competition for the tackiest. I just got Corel and I’ve been amusing myself with my old school pics.

  10. 10
    Vyctori says:

    Oh, blast it all. I’m going to be on vacation from Saturday to the deadline. There’s no way I’ll be able to come up with something decent in two days (not that I could even if I had a month to do it, but yes). Ah well. Coming back to the results of other people’s mad skillz should be most entertaining, to say the least.

  11. 11
    JoAnn says:

    Aww I want to enter but hey couldn’t you at least give us a title to work with. Or did I miss it???

  12. 12
    Susan says:

    I would do one but i hurt my hand today. I will see if it feels better in a day of so. Just in case i will think of an idea.

  13. 13
    AngieZ says:

    Holy cow, something I have the skills to do, but unfortunately I have three graduation parties (one of them is my daughters) and two work projects that need done by then.

  14. 14

    Oh, I hate those plastic people generated with Poser and DAZ3D. I mean, they could look good, but use PhotoShop to make them better. As for the challenge, I’d take it if I weren’t so busy trying to finish the next two WIPs. I love following around with PhotoShop, and I’d have gotten a kick of you two bashing my cover. *lol*

  15. 15

    Okay, I’m dying to see some of these…

  16. 16
    dl says:

    Awesome contest…unfortunately I have no talent & no time.  But, the contest results will be one of the most anticipated events of the entire summer!!

    Good luck to all participants!

  17. 17

    Permission to post link on my listserv?

  18. 18
    Susie says:

    I’d be lying if I called my design skills an abomination—they are much much worse than that!  But I’m so loving this contest and can’t wait for the results.

  19. 19
    Amy E says:

    Yo, bitches!  Hook a bitch up with a title, true?  (Not a SB Title, tho I want one—a book title!)

  20. 20
    Angel says:

    Hmm, intriguing. I’m willing to give it a go in the amateur catagory, but what do you mean exactly by “stock photos”? Are you thinking of any particular site resource when you say that?

  21. 21
    Amy E says:

    Heh, I have done my worst and dreckified Sarah and Candy’s inboxes with eye-melting hideousness.  Who knew creating terrible covers could be so entertaining?

  22. 22
    Monica says:

    Dang, I wish I had time to do this.  I gotta get in on the next one!

  23. 23
    Cynthia says:

    I submitted something—aiming for snarkable, LOL. I can’t wait to hear what Candy and Sarah have to say.

  24. 24
    Michelle, the Diva says:

    EEK! Sent mine in, too.

    *rubbing hands together gleefully*

    Hoooboy, I can’t wait to hear the snarkage over my own personal retina-scarring clusterfuck of pixel-y delight.

    Let me tell you, I see why people do such horrid covers…it’s obviously for the fun factor. I laughed until I nearly cried.

  25. 25
    Amy E says:

    So, where are the laughables?  The snarkfest?  The craptastic celebration of corny covers?  I wanna vote!  For me!

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