Covers!

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Sarah: Lord of what Border? The border between creepy and haughty? The border between “fashionably long” and “dude, get a haircut?”

I’ve never a seen a cover that actually strove for a physical embodiment of “looking down your nose” and nailed it so well.

Candy: If the border this dude’s the Lord of marks the end of Good Taste, may I gently suggest that he not fling himself OVER it with quite so much enthusiasm, and with such a supercilious look on his face?

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Sarah: Oh, thank God he already has a mate. And given her dead-eyed stare, she doesn’t care that he’s all sneering at her. Or maybe he’s looking down at her off-center, oddly-shaped breasts.

Either way, I am glad that she and her curling iron can go live with him. If I owned these too books, I’d put them on a shelf facing each other so they can gaze fishily at each other in perpetuity.

Candy: It’s sad when a publisher can’t afford live models any more and has to resort to Realdolls (LINK NOT WORK-SAFE) for their covers. I wonder if the photographer gets to keep her during weekends as a perk?

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Sarah: No subtlety here. That wild western desire is actually pretty far south, if you catch my meaning. I think she caught it, anyway.

Candy: Must…resist…posting…owl…picture….

O RLY?

OK, I didn’t really resist that hard.

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Sarah: Hope the renegade has enough money for a waving iron because you know her hair is going to go flat if they spend more time outside in the humidity.

But judging from his hairdo, I think he spends his renegade paycheck on some Dippity Do for his own sweet self. And maybe he uses it for his hair… or maybe not.

Candy: This guy is a true renegade because he dares to wear his shirt unbuttoned to his waist. That sort of boldness isn’t something you learn, it’s something you’re BORN with.

Hey, d’you think he has his eyes closed to shield his poor retinas from the searing fuchsia monstrosity the woman has on?

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Aimee says:

    You two crack me up. Reading Covers makes for a pleasant distraction from reading tech manuals. This is the main reason I come to this site so thanks.

  2. 2

    Is it me or does the Border Lord resemble Randy from That 70s Show?

  3. 3
    ShuzLuva says:

    As I was scrolling past the owl I came upon the last cover and read it as Renegade’s Ass. Talk about the power of suggestion!

  4. 4
    Esther says:

    Aaakk! How about including a NSFW indicator on that RealDolls link? I thought it was going to be a website for those strangely creepy kid’s dolls that are dressed up in period clothing, like the Border Bride… oops.

  5. 5
    withheld, I know some of these people says:

    I can’t stop cracking up about a Border Lord being put in a kilt. Hello Art Dept, this is history calling: KILTS ARE HIGHLAND GARB and a Scottish Border Lord wouldn’t be caught dead in one.

    Hey Vicki, I take it back about this being a decent title . . .

  6. 6
    Amber says:

    You two are funny.  I really loved the two books by Arnette Lamb.

  7. 7
    CindyS says:

    Border Bride – so that’s what someone looks like who has something crammed up their ass.  That queer, ‘oh my gosh what is that!?’ coupled with ‘do I like this?’ look. 

    Border Lord – is that dot on his face supposed to be a dimple because that is super creepy.  And what is with those bony hands?  ‘Don’t touch me with those skeleton hands!!’

    I’m still howling over the owl.

    CindyS

  8. 8
    Alison Kent says:

    Oh, that made me melancholy to see Arnette’s covers.  I knew her from my local RWA chapter years ago before she passed away.  :(

  9. 9
    Miss Tonia says:

    You two crack me up! I laugh until I cry whenever you do cover snarks!

    Oh, and the Border Lord looks like my ex-husbeast. Now you know why I’m single again.

  10. 10
    Sphinx says:

    I’m just grateful that the title of “Border Lord” is so strategically placed, because I’m almost positive that smarmy nonce does NOT know how to sit like a lady.

  11. 11
    Valerie Brewer says:

    Thanks for my weekly dose of snark! You sire know how to make imporve chica’s monday!

  12. 12
    SB Sarah says:

    I had never heard of Arnette Lamb before I found Mr. Border and his fabulous dimple (and wow, that hair). Good? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  13. 13

    I like the one where the lady in pink is gettin’ pumped doggie style.

    That’s classsayyyy.

  14. 14
    Castiron says:

    Border Lord: If Lucius Malfoy worked as a romance cover model….

    I think I injured something laughing over the owl.

  15. 15
    Jeri says:

    In trying to make out the fine print on WILD WESTERN DESIRE, I thought it said “His dangerous beach filled her with harming passion.”

    As for the fine print on RENEGADE’S KISS, I’m going to have to guess, “She dragon wobbling alone to drill fiery cardboard!”

  16. 16

    Looks as if Mr. Western Desire might possibly get a shock if his dangerous touch creeps a little further west. That oh-so-careful dress drapery casts shadows that are mighty suspicious. As if the giant daisies didn’t give it away, anyhow…

  17. 17
    gigi says:

    “Border Lord”—Does anyone else think this guy is cruisin’ for a bruisin’ (as my delightful brother used to say)?  The last time I felt such an instant urge to smack someone was when I first caught sight of Tom Cruise. 

    And what’s with the limp wrist?  Could he perhaps be straddling a *different* sort of border?

    (Malfoy posing for a romance cover—snort—good one!!)

  18. 18

    Thanks for Buttsecks the Owl.  I’ve missed seeing his startled expression.

  19. 19
    Firefly says:

    Did anyone else check out the testemonials on the realdoll link?  Nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

  20. 20
    Jennifer says:

    LOL!!!!
    Border should read borderline in both cases, I think.
    And the Real Doll site had my husband and me in stitches – and yes, especially the testimonials. Almost as funny as Covers Gone Wild…

  21. 21
    Ann (not THAT Ann) says:

    I read the Border novels when they first came out, or thenabouts. If I recall, the author talks about the lord’s “manly orbs” and uses other stupid euphemisms. What’s under his kilt was a subject of constant comment.

  22. 22
    Gehayi says:

    I took one look at Border Lord and thought, “Oh my God, it’s Lucius Malfoy.”

    Of course, that WOULD explain the sneer and the looking-down-his-nose expression.

    The girl in the Wild Western Desire picture looks horribly uncomfortable. I bet that the cowboy forgot the lube. That, or she knows that he’d rather be with Ennis and Jack on Brokeback Mountain.

    The Border Bride made me think of a quote from Robert Browning:

    “That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall,
    Looking as if she were alive…”

    Yeah, she WAS alive. But she’s dead now.

  23. 23

    Hey, I like the idea of Lucius Malfoy as a covermodel, lol.

    Wait, changed my mind. Make that Alan Rickman. Can’t somone come up with “talking covers”? Like kids books you push a button and it starts singing the ABCs… or, heck, says “I love you” “you want me” “bow at my feet” “how does my hair look”

    LOL, sorry, I promise to drink more coffee when I come on next time. You ladies are hilarious.

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