Home again, home again, jiggety jig…

I am back and in full effect, yo. I have:

  • The sidebar to update
  • Regency Recommendations to format
  • A rant to write
  • A couple of ads to design—to all of you who’ve inquired, sorry for the incredibly slow response time, but I’ll git on it and git ‘er done ASAP
  • Four books to review
  • Hundreds of e-mail messages to browse through, surprisingly few of which are asking me whether I want to satisfy my woman with a larger penis
  • Eleventy four bamillion comments to read
  • Twice as many blogs to catch up with
  • So many new mosquito bites on my legs, arms and face, my little girl brain can’t even handle the math required to count that high
  • And a partridge in a pear tree.

Hey, anyone want to see a video of me feeding a pig a beer on St. Croix? It’s delicious and deliciously surreal.

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  1. 1
    AngieW says:

    Welcome back, Candy! Did you have a fabulous time?

  2. 2
    Candy says:

    I had a GREAT time. Except for the bug bites. Stupid fuckin’ bugs. I’m setting up a picture and video gallery some time tonight and posting the link here in the comments, for those of you interested in my vacation.

  3. 3
    DebR says:

    “Hey, anyone want to see a video of me feeding a pig a beer on St. Croix? It’s delicious and deliciously surreal.”

    Well, YEAH! You really needed to ASK?

    Welcome home! :-)

  4. 4
    FerfeLaBat says:

    I LOVE St Croix!  Very fun island.  Did you dive Buck Island?  Welcome back.

  5. 5
    Candy says:

    Here’s the video of me feeding a beer to a pig in St. Croix. It’s a Quicktime movie, and it’s about 8 MB. The pig’s name is Grunt. The loudest sound by far on the movie is me laughing, and I sound like a chipmunk when I laugh.

    Wait, I sound like a chipmunk, period.

    I now burn an incense stick to the saints of bandwidth.

  6. 6
    Candy says:

    Ferfe: there was talk of going to Buck Island, but I was coughing up copious amounts of yeccchhhhh during the whole trip, and got better only during the last day on the island. (Yes, yes, irony, etc.) So unfortunately, about the most strenuous thing I did was scuba around the western shore looking for starfish. I didn’t spend much time doing anything exciting, though Grunt was plenty exciting, I guess. Oh, and the Farm Olympics was mucho fun. *Sunday Football voice* Two organic farms compete for FARM SUPREMACY in exciting events such as tug-of-war, frisbee golf, fishing, king of the raft, hole-digging and a POETRY SLAM!

  7. 7
    emdee says:

    Ah, a seasoned drinker.  Reminds me of my ex-husband…

  8. 8
    FerfeLaBat says:

    I heard that The Carambola was wiped out in one of the hurricanes.  That’s where we used to stay.  Cathy Maxwell has a house there – or did.  When we went to the Crusian Rum factory Dave sucked onto the barrels like a starved leech.  Hilarious.  It took us fifteen minutes to pry him away from what he kept moaning was the “motherland”.  I got a kick out of the forts.  Comparing how the Dutch held prisoners (just below street level with an open grate so people could shove shit in at them—ceiling low so prisoners had to stoop constantly) vs the Spanish in PR (Buried deep in the darkest depths of the fort, the only light from a slit in the wall that was five feet thick over-looking the cliff – no human contact but … high ceilings!~)  San Juan only opens the dungeons on Saturdays and sometimes not even then. 

    That was a hell of plane ride for you from California.  For me it’s nothing.

  9. 9
    Stephen says:

    Had I realised that you actually had a woman with a larger penis I might have sent along a few suggestions on how you might satisfy her…

    Welcome back nonetheless. I’ll see if I can dig out a few recipes for that partridge.

  10. 10
    DebR says:

    Love the pig video!  Grunt drank the beer more neatly than some people I’ve seen!

  11. 11

    “Hey, anyone want to see a video of me feeding a pig a beer on St. Croix?”

    He looks a lot like a TEP I dated in college.  Drinks like him too.

  12. 12
    Candy says:

    And Stephen once again exploits my poorly-placed modifiers for comedic effect. Curses! *shakes fist at sky*

    Ferfe: I visited Carambola beach—it seemed to be doing all right, and the houses and the resort seemed to be doing well. Though ignoramus that I am, perhaps that’s not what you meant? I went into St. Croix blind and trusted my friend Jen to show me the sights, and I still have only the vaguest idea of where I was, cartographically, the whole time I was there. I know we stuck mostly to the northwest.

    Visiting forts and such didn’t even occur to me. Too busy marvelling over the picturesque potholes in the roads, some of them big enough to qualify as hippopotamus wallows.

    And yeah, it took about 13 hours to get from Portland to St. Croix, and the return journey took about 15. Oooof. The last leg of my journey last night (Dallas to PDX) was the worst. There were three babies on the plane who tag-teamed each other and kept up a non-stop chorus of crying. Thank God for my noise-cancelling earphones. The other passengers who weren’t as lucky were looking quite decidedly peaked by the end of the four-hour flight.

    And isn’t Grunt the greatest? ALL HAIL GRUNT.

  13. 13
    fiveandfour says:

    That is one happy looking pig.  I was a little concerned for a second there that Grunt was going to eat the can, but he spit it out as if he was experienced with that kind of thing* or something.

    Welcome home.

  14. 14
    Dee says:

    Welcome back, Candy! I’ve been coming back daily waiting for you. Somehow, I didn’t expect Grunt…lol, but glad to have you back, mosquito bites and all!

    Smooches,
    Dee

  15. 15
    Amanda says:

    ROTFL @ Grunt & the nearly eaten beer can. Hope you’re rested & ready to keep us entertained!

  16. 16
    CindyS says:

    All hail Grunt indeed!  What a great pig!

    Welcome back!

    15 hours by plane?  Ugh.

    CindyS

  17. 17

    Waaaah! Cloven-hoofed IT police will not permit pig video to be viewed (something about brotherhood among farmyard animals). Celebrity Big Brother pale substitute. Life will never be complete.

    Welcome back, Candy.

    (…mopes back to work, mournfully dragging left toe)

  18. 18

    Welcome back! Lovely to have you home.

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