After careful tabulation of the votes, the winner is Bonnie’s submission, #4: “He’d been in love with her for the last year, but he had decided that he’d rather be miserable than hurt me.” Translation: He’d rather make her miserable on many levels than grow a pair and act like an adult.
Voters commented on the sad convergence of events and had many a remark for the ex in question: “Jerkface.” “Her best friend?” “What an asshat. Well rid of him.” “OMG That man SUCKS.” We agree!
Second Place went to #7: “I got rid of a husband, an ugly truck and a mean dog all within the space of a week.” Voter comments varied from “I will NOT mess with her!” to “It would have gotten my vote if not for the dog.” It’s the cilantro of breakup stories: either you sat back on the corner of your ass and said, “Woo damn!” or, you sat back on the corner of your ass and said “Woo damn!”
Third Place was a tie between #13: She went to law school; he went to Switzerland, which generated the user comment, “What an ass,” and #14: “I was pregnant with our daughter- due to deliver in one week- and he just up and left. That one got a LOT of comments, even from voters who ultimately cast their vote in another direction, who said things such as, “#14 made my BLOOD boil. Who leaves their 9 months preggers wife? Bastard!”
But back to our winner: behold, our prizes for the Worst Breakup Story contest:
First, the Smart Bitch Title! Kneel, Ms. Bonnie.
And second, the Smart Bitch prize: a partner that will never let you down, and will never hurt you, unless you want it to:
The SofTouch Kitty Vibrator, which comes with the Smart Bitch seal of approval. Or yodel of approval. Make every night a night you say, “Helloooooo Kitty.”
Congratulations!
Congrats to the winner! This is kind of like “Queen for a Day”*—have a rotten life, win valuable prizes.
Oh, and where does one obtain the kitty toy? I get “Good Vibrattions”, but I haven’t seen this gem there, unless it just went right past me.
*“Queen for a Day” was a TV show back in the 50’s/early 60’s. It was…bizarre.
Note #1: When I mentioned the winning to a non-SB-readerhood friend, I told him, “I hope I get a neat title like ‘Countess,’” so eee, I’m all squealy over the Comtesse!
Note #2: About a week ago, while talking to the FANTASTIC new man about Christmas gifts, he was trying to guess one I got for him and one of his guesses was, “It’s not a Hello Kitty vibrator is it, ‘cause that would be kind of ironic.” I’m now convinced the guy is psychic or something.
And LOOK, it’s PINK.
Ah, Pink, my favorite color.
Congrats, Bonnie!
Click the image of the Hellooooo Kitty and you’ll get to a vendor link on Amazon.
Everyone can have their own Hellooooo Kitty.
congrats bonnie!
and thanks for the votes!
being number 2 feels like my marriage all over again
HIDE YOUR DOGS! LMAO
(just kidding,i’m older and wiser and have lotsa purty pills now)
I don’t mean to sound like an idiot, but I don’t get the joke in the “title”. Comtesse de Centreplaisir? Countess of center pleasure? Is that what that is?
Charity, don’t feel bad. I don’t get it either, but was too embarassed to say so. 🙂
Maybe “center of pleasure”?
I suck as a title holder!
Congratulations, Bonnie . . . but, damn. I wanted that vibrator.
I’m an animal lover but good God, # 7 rocks!! My comments had something to do with – 18yr! 4 kids! says stuff that is horrifying!!
He’s lucky you chose to put his evil dog down and not him! I have to admit when I read his reaction I started laughing. I now have a new goal in life – to become as wonderfully maniacal as you 😉
Bonnie – I am so glad you got rid of that guy! You have a miscarriage and he still wants a menage? What an asshat.
I couldn’t believe the strength of those who were treated way worse than I was. The e-mail one was classic!
Good information, you know, just in case 😉
CindyS
The title is kind of a sort of an in-joke, I guess—Beth bitched about Gaelen Foley using “pleasure center” in one of her sex scenes, and how she pictured it as being some sort of superstore or something. That stuck with me, and I’ve also seen some other romance authors use that sort of phrase.
So, yeah. Sorry the joke wasn’t immediately obvious.
*hangs head*
Bonnie—who I voted for!—way beat my sorry story (and let me tell you, I don’t feel so bad about mine now, LOL!).
Congrats and commiserations, Bonnie.
Congrats Bonnie! & # 7? I wanna be you when I grow up.