After careful tabulation of the votes, the winner is Bonnie’s submission, #4: “He’d been in love with her for the last year, but he had decided that he’d rather be miserable than hurt me.” Translation: He’d rather make her miserable on many levels than grow a pair and act like an adult.
Voters commented on the sad convergence of events and had many a remark for the ex in question: “Jerkface.” “Her best friend?” “What an asshat. Well rid of him.” “OMG That man SUCKS.” We agree!
Second Place went to #7: “I got rid of a husband, an ugly truck and a mean dog all within the space of a week.” Voter comments varied from “I will NOT mess with her!” to “It would have gotten my vote if not for the dog.” It’s the cilantro of breakup stories: either you sat back on the corner of your ass and said, “Woo damn!” or, you sat back on the corner of your ass and said “Woo damn!”
Third Place was a tie between #13: She went to law school; he went to Switzerland, which generated the user comment, “What an ass,” and #14: “I was pregnant with our daughter- due to deliver in one week- and he just up and left. That one got a LOT of comments, even from voters who ultimately cast their vote in another direction, who said things such as, “#14 made my BLOOD boil. Who leaves their 9 months preggers wife? Bastard!”
But back to our winner: behold, our prizes for the Worst Breakup Story contest:
First, the Smart Bitch Title! Kneel, Ms. Bonnie.
The SofTouch Kitty Vibrator, which comes with the Smart Bitch seal of approval. Or yodel of approval. Make every night a night you say, “Helloooooo Kitty.”