Dances with Corpses

Candy: Look at the calculating look in that hussy’s face. She’s totally trying to figure out which part of him to eat first, squeezing different parts of him like a supermarket shopper would a borderline-ripe piece of fruit.

And he doesn’t look too bad for somebody who’s been dead these last five months, does he? Hooray for barrels of rum and the preservative capabilities thereof. But it’s so sad when you’re forced to eat your deceased shipmates.

Sarah: You know, once she nails him, and one hopes that rigor mortis has affected key areas for her sake at least, she can nail him to the bow of the ship instead of that mermaid lady that ships usually have.

Pity he died with such a startled expression on his face, though.

Candy: C’mon everybody! “A la tuhuelpa legria macarena,
“Que tuhuelce paralla legria cosabuena,
“A la tuhuelpa legria macarena,
“Eeeh, macarena!”

Sarah: What is he pointing at with his wee bitty fingers? Is he telling her to get down on the ground so that he and his girl-horse can use her skirt as a picnic tablecloth?

Is he demonstrating his fine 70’s disco skills as one of the more blonde Village People to Candy’s fine Mayan-tinged Spanish translation?

“Look, a snake!”
“In your dreams it’s a – oh, over there! Yes, that is a snake!”

Candy: And from the macarena, we move on to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller!” Or maybe they’re trying to poke each other’s eyes, Three Stooges-style. Either way, what bliss.

Sarah: “You have some schmutz… right here-”
“Don’t touch me! Dance! Only dance!”
“But your face – you just have a little bit of -”
“No! We must dance the dance of the thousand dances!”
“Just lemme lick this napkin and wipe that schmutz off your face!”

Candy: Whoa. Look at the angle of her neck. Fucked. Up. “If It’s Tuesday, There Must Be Corpses!”

This book also gets my vote for Best. Title. EVAR.

Sarah: I look at this cover, and I look at the title, and I look at his goofy, goofy face, and I have no words. I sit here and giggle like Butthead. Tuesdays with Morrie would have been a MUCH better movie if Albom had followed this format. 

Also, how much does her back hurt now that he’s snapped her fourth vertebrae? She’s going to need that dildo as a spinal brace.