Guess that Lonely Heart

You know the drill: Heroine name, Author Name, and Book name, and you get a Smart Bitch title! Fresh off the presses! Steaming hot! OK, that’s gross, but you know what I mean.

So Much Tragedy It’s a Wonder I Don’t Off Myself

Revolutionary heroine who suffers endlessly from repeated setbacks, including measles, heartbreak, financial ruin, and attacks from lower classes, seeks handsome, charming hero to show me real love and security. Financial security is nice and I do love the caviar lifestyle, but money is never enough when the stock market falls and you aren’t strong enough to weather the poverty. I will dance my way into your heart, if you can ignore the grammatical errors and clunky prose.


General Bitching...

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  1. 1
    Shannon says:

    Is it Zoya from Zoya by Danielle Steel?

  2. 2
    Shannon says:

    Her last name was Ossipov, too.  But I don’t remember measles.  *sigh*

  3. 3
    SB Sarah says:

    YUP! Way to go Shannon!

  4. 4

    Jeez, if you had to read a Danielle Steele to win, I’m glad I took a pass on this one!  But congratulations to Shannon.  I guess someone’s got to read ‘em so you can win the great titles.

  5. 5
    Candy says:

    Just for the record: Yes, Shannon did have sex with me to win that title.

    OK, no she didn’t. But she did read that Danielle Steel, which is even more traumatic.

  6. 6
    Shannon says:

    I was a teenager infatuated with all things Russian.  (When I read Zoya, not when I had sex with Candy.) That’s my only defense.

    And I don’t care if everybody knows my shameful secret because I’ve got a tiiiiiiitle…I’ve got a tiiiiiiitle.

    (It was also made into a movie starring Melissa Gilbert, so we may as well drag my Little House on the Prairie fanhood right out of the closet, too.)

  7. 7
    Candy says:

    I was a teenager infatuated with all things Russian.  (When I read Zoya, not when I had sex with Candy.)

    Wait: YOU LIED TO ME?

    You little slut. To think I believed you when you told me you were barely eighteen. I tell you, next time I prey on teenage girls, I’m making sure I have my glasses on.

  8. 8

    Believe me, Shannon, no act is too debasing (except voting for certain politicians)if it earns you a Smart Bitches title.


    Her Grace, Duchess Twitterpants

  9. 9
    SB Sarah says:

    Y’all. Forget not that Mr. Scarecrow, Bruce Boxleitner, was also in Zoya.

    Forgive the delay – I had a chance to get home early. One coronation ceremony coming right up!

  10. 10
    fiveandfour says:

    I cannot believe I’m about to say this, but…is Zoya perhaps the thing that had Ms. Gilbert and Mr. Boxleitner making with the googly eyes at one another for the first time?

    I just remember being all “huh?!” the first time I heard they were married with kids and wondered if it was the Battle of the Network Stars that had done it – which made me squick because I thought she was like a teen-ager then and he was in his 20s or 30s.

    How much credibility will I lose by admitting I loved that show when I was a kid?  You’ll never respect me again, admit it! 


    *runs off swiftly, though not too quickly so as to ruin the effect of bouncing my feathered hair dramatically*

  11. 11
    SB Sarah says:

    Wait, you liked Battle of the Netowrk Stars or Scarecrow & Mrs. King?

    I loved Scarecrow & Mrs. King. LOVED it.

  12. 12
    fiveandfour says:

    I was speaking of Battle of the Network Stars when I mentioned my love. 

    I never watched Scarecrow & Mrs. King and I can’t remember why now.  Wrong day and time?  Competed with something else I did watch?  Came on during my “anti-romance” phase?  I recall I had friends that watched it and talked about it – same thing with Beauty and the Beast – and even knowing they liked it still didn’t tempt me to watch.  If I saw those shows now I wonder if I’d like them…

  13. 13
    Candy says:

    OK, I have NEVER heard of Battle of the Network Stars. I checked out the Jump the Shark page, and it sounds wacky—kind of like those Animalympics cartoons, only with real people.

    Man, I’d LOVE to see an episode or two of that show. Sounds like it’d be a fun trainwreck.

  14. 14
    fiveandfour says:

    Oh, I’d totally love to see an episode or two of it now – that’d be 70s television gold.  It’s right there along with Buck Rogers and Battlestar Galactica and Wonder Woman!  Now, Circus of the Stars (or whatever it was called), that was just plain tacky. 

    Anyway, I thought of Melissa Gilbert specifically earlier because I have a memory of this race or something she did where before the race she was all confident and cocky and after she lost was all “I’m just tired today” or something lame like that.  Even as I kid I thought, “Oh please”.

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