Beavis: She’s like, naked! With armbands!
Butthead:Huh huh. Yeah.
Beavis: And she’s gonna get stabbed by that CHURCH! YEAH!
Butthead: Huh huh.That’s cool.
Beavis: Stab her! Stab her in the BUTT!
Butthead: Huh huh huh huh. Tell her to move her hand first so we can see her boobs.
Beavis: Yeah! BOOBS
Butthead: Yeah. Huh huh.
Candy: Wow. I can hear the headlines: “Devastating S&M Tragedy! Woman’s spine pierced through with a pointy castle roof. Find out more about this deadly new fetish. Pointy castle roof fetishists: are they warping our children’s minds? THEY’RE OUT OF THE CLOSET—AND IN OUR STREETS! More at 11.”
Sarah: Gosh, could that hero look any more excited about the posing hottie in front of him?
Ho hum. Another Scarlet Cavern. Gee. There are some boobs. They look rather large and oblong, like someone pulled them southward.
Hmm. Perhaps I’m not the first to enter her scarlet cavern. It is a cavern after all.
Candy: Man, that is possibly THE nastiest peroxide job to end all peroxide jobs on that chick there—and there have been some really skanky-lookin’ blondes on romance novel covers.
And the guy… I could’ve sworn I saw him on Faces of Meth. If he isn’t on there already, he will be soon. He also needs a Silkwood shower in the worst way. That’s probably why he doesn’t look too excited by the equally nasty blonde hobag stripping down in front of him. He’s too busy suppressing the urge to scratch at his scabies.
Sarah: Now that I’ve started breathing again after falling on the floor in twisty laughter, let me attempt to address just one thing that is wrong with this cover.
Does she have a tumor on her ass? Or a saddle horn? Because her back isn’t long enough for the dude to be holding onto her ass. My ass doesn’t curve around like that. My back doesn’t bend like that, either.
Candy: The force of attraction… of being a certified proctologist.
Romance novel cover models really need to learn that Astroglide is their friend. Really, look at all the pained expressions. All those dry runs up Hershey Creek make Baby Jesus a sad panda.
Sarah: The ride in question is the lowride of her jeans, I bet. Even SIMs should not have to have a bikini wax before they put their jeans on.
Man, he has some little hands on the ends of those beefy arms, too.
Candy: The danger in this ride is the elevated risk of contracting genital herpes. That, and getting splinters in your ass from humping on that rickety-ass looking fence.
Man, these models look naaarsty. What the hell is up with that hair? Did she superglue it on to her titties? Why? To cover the fact that she has more nipple hair? Or the fact that one of her nipples bears a disturbing resemblance to Doogie Howser’s face? Inquiring minds want to know.