Supermodels and actresses: eat your fucking hearts out…

Due to a truly bizarre progression of e-mail exchanges between some co-worker friends and me, I found a truly fascinating article about sea cucumbers.

The sea cucumber breathes through its anus, entertains visitors in its anus, and if it doesn’t like the look of you it projects its anal plumbing in your face. When it’s really under pressure it disembowels itself. Laura Woodward has been looking into sea cucumbers, literally.

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When provoked, certain species of sea cucumber shoot a network of the culvian tubes that line its anus at the intruder. Computed as foe, I had encountered this bizarre self-defence strategy.

If small enough, the attacker becomes entangled in the sea cucumber’s sticky web.

Crabs and small crayfish can die a slow death this way. Fortunately for the sea cucumber its attackers are few and far between, and its internal organs are a highly poisonous and effective deterrent to most predators.

Even stranger is how this creature deals with a life-threatening situation. Its sides split open and it voluntarily disembowels itself, tossing most of its internal organs over-board.

I can’t stop laughing. Dude. The thing SHOOTS ITS ASS AT YOU WHEN IT’S PISSED OFF.

Aaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha.

Also: can you imagine how many supermodels and actresses would give their eyeteeth for the magical ability to jettison any and all superfluous innards?

But my real question is: when is someone going to write a sea cucumber shapechanger paranormal romance? Think of the possibilities! Anal sex would have a whole other ‘nother dimension to it. Literally.