Thanks to Monica, I found Brenda Coulter’s blog, which I’ll probably be checking out regularly from now on. (Note to self: Must update sidebar links.) This entry about double-standards in judging fiction in particular made me chuckle, and I agreed with much of what was said. This bit, though, made me sigh a little: “I’ve said before that I don’t consider myself a feminist, and I don’t twist myself in knots trying to be politically correct. But when someone displays prejudice of this magnitude in a public forum, even a non-militant type like me tends to take offense on behalf of her gender.”
Since when were all feminists militant? That’s like saying all Christians are homophobic Bible-thumpers. I’m a feminist, and although I’m outspoken, I don’t think I’m militant in my views. My feminist stance is very simple: I think a woman should be free to do whatever turns her crank, whether she wants to be a CEO or an engineer or a porn star or a stay-at-home mom, or whether she wants to subscribe fully to religious fundamentalist doctrines of female submission (I know a fundie Christian whose wife doesn’t work outside the house and doesn’t vote because they both fully believe in this). The key words here are “freedom” and “choice.”
The way I see it, if you believe in things like equal work for equal pay and that women deserve to be free from discrimination and double-standards, and that our voices deserve to be heard when it comes to decisions that affect our lives—either personal or political—you’re a feminist. There is such a wide variety of movements and schools of thought, from wacky-ass militant separatists (which is what most people think of when they think “feminist,” I’m afraid) to ifeminism (which in my opinion is only very nominally feminist) that very often these central tenets are all that they have in common.
What puzzles and irks me the most is when professional or politically-active women speak disparagingly of feminism. Lady, if it weren’t for feminists, you woudn’t be allowed to vote, own property, have custody of your children should something Very Bad happen to the marriage, work outside the house or attend the same schools men do, much less receive the same professional accreditation men do. Show feminists some love, and think long and hard: are YOU a closet feminist? If you are, come out of the closet. Hey, you already read romance novels, right?
That is one of long-time head-scratching puzzlers for me, seeing those posts and blog entries that have women saying that they aren’t feminists. I suspect it’s a religious issue, but I’m not saying any more than that because I’ve had my back stripped into pieces in the past. And it’s still sore, dammit.
Frankly, I’m sick of posting those “I agwee! I agwee!” posts. Say something that allows me to head-butt you, for goodness sake. 😀
I agree, I agree! Its almost like some women feel that to say they are a feminist is going to defeminise them or something … like its an attack on their very femininity. How much of this attitude is due to the backlash against feminism from the patriachial hegemony that (let’s face it) still pervails today?
1) I agree with you about the smilie thing, too. Won’t use ‘em.
2) I’m not a closeted feminist at all, and in my neighborhood, to be other than a bleeding-heart liberal is to be Satan’s spawn, which is its own kind of prejudice (just ask my friend the Republican). So I can’t out myself, since I’m already out.
3) I think what happened to “feminist” over the past twenty years is what happened to so many words: those opposed to the movement redefined the definition. So we get ‘pro-life’ and ‘pro-choice’, ‘liberal’ means something very different from how I think of myself, and of course ‘compassionate conservative.’ I know there are examples of this kind of semantics from the other side of the fence, but I can’t think of any right now, but I do know they’re out there, so I’m not so naive as to think redefining words is limited to one side of the aisle.
4) Thanks for bringing this up.
Megan
I think Megan is correct with the wrod feminism being anathema to many conservative types (Rush Limbaugh calls feminists feminazis).
It’s semantics. If Brenda starting coming out wrong—not being conservative PC enough and using the wrong code words, seeing that she may have lots of conservative Christian fundamentalist readers—she might get slammed bigtime and lose some of her core readership.
Just guessin’
Most of my neighbors are white, rabid conservatives and I tread lightly around them. They are mostly okay if you keep a low profile.
My nonconformist, liberal, feminist, open-minded self has got to get ready to go to church now!
It’s all about the lexicon and the definitions ascribed to each word. In order to combat feminism, the simple task was to make it into a bad word, to imply that by being feminist, one lost her femininity, which for many women is of great personal value. Add militant scary imagery to the concept, and presto, feminism is a word that scares the pants off many young women. I can’t tell you how many times in my alma mater women’s college in the South I heard the words, “I’m not a feminist, but….”
About the only thing that can be done is to constantly point out that believing women should be equal to men is a feminist ideal, or maybe just come up with another term altogether. I know “womanist” was gaining popularity a few years ago.
Or we get a few high profile individuals to ably redefine the term, and make people think about it differently. Republicans, sadly for me, are very very good at this. But it works on both sides.
For example, I was at the 1996 Democratic National Convention in Chicago, and heard Christopher Reeve speak. He opened his speech by saying, “I hear the Republicans talking about ‘family values,’ and I think I’ve figured out what that means. It means that we are all family. And we all have value.”
Let’s see, I’m Republican, fairly conservative and I am a FEMINIST! You cannot benefit from the achievements that the movement has given us and not call yourself a feminist. Do I agree with every militant feminist? Hell no. I don’t agree with everything George Bush says either—but that didn’t stop me from voting for him.
I’ll throw in my two, I agree, I agree! For as long as I like having equal rights under the law, I will call myself a feminist.
I’m a feminist, have been all my life. But I can see where that word would scare the crap out of some people.
There are some scary unpleasant people who call themselves feminists and, like all extremists, they get press.
Plus if you’re raised to believe that life is a zero sum game then you’re going to think that the FEMINISTS are out to grab what you believe is yours. It’s an opposite to masculine, right? It has to be frightening, when you’ve got a sense of competition in life, to think that a bunch of women who hate men going to demand their jobs, their sense of family.
Thing is, I never bought into that zero sum thing and I also never associated feminism with man-hating. I was brought up in a bleeding heart liberal family.
I bet I’d be way worried, even I was a woman (because I care about the men in my life) if I hadn’t grown up that way. That phrase “feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings too” summed up whole idea for me. Only less snarky, maybe—and emphasis on the “too.”
Why do I feel I have to leave long pendantic messages in blogs lately????
Hey, if I were a few decades older I’d probably have an old “Votes for Women” banner in my attic. The reason I’m so careful to distance myself from modern feminism is that virtually all women (and men) who identify themselves as strong feminists are firmly pro-choice on the abortion issue. And that’s a flag I just can’t carry.
Then how much more powerful would it be, Brenda, to say “I’m a feminist and I refuse to agree with a pro-choie stance.” Just a thought.
Hey Brenda,
The abortion issue, the way I see it, seems to be a sub-set of the reproductive choice issue, and reproductive choice does tend to be a hot-button feminist thang. Even so, there’s considerable dissension in the ranks (what ranks there are, anyway). I know some women who are feminist, atheist, pro-birth control and so leftist that they’re left of Noam Chomsky, but stringently anti-abortion. Associating feminism with a single issue like this is, like I said, akin to associating Christianity or any other philosophy, religion and movement with a single issue on which there is NO uniform agreement.
I agree with those who said that there’s been quite a bit of distortion of what the word “feminist” stands for. (Also socialist, and woo damn, you do NOT want me to get started on that one.) Kate and Sarah are right: People associate feminism with man-hating and women losing their femininity and wanting to be men, which seems to be a truly gross misrepresentation of what most feminists want. We don’t hate men and we certainly and we certainly don’t want to BE men, we just want the same rights, considerations, freedoms and choices as men. As for the issue of “losing” our femininity—from which era of history, and which culture are we talking about? Because I’m one of those people who firmly believes that femininity and masculinity are largely social constructs because there seems to be considerable variation around the world and throughout history. Hey, it used to be masculine to wear make-up, high-heels, wigs and lace. Frankly, I’m so thankful that I can dress in pretty, girly dresses and tarty leopard-print slides (I’m wearing them right now, actually, rrrowr) while other women are free to go for a completely androgenous look. Now if only men were free to wear skirts and dresses in public without risking widespread ridicule….
‘Now if only men were free to wear skirts and dresses in public…’
Candy, I think that’s why I’m tempted to describe myself as a humanist, rather than a feminist. Because we really now need to break down the notion that the traditional, establishment masculine view of the world is the only valid one. It damages as many men as it does women. It confines us all into narrow definitions of ‘worth’ and ‘success’ and ‘achievement’. And although Board rooms now have more women in them, they have to operate in a ‘masculine’ mindset in order to be recognized.
Part of the difficulty with some expressions of feminism, is that the main focus was on equality in jobs, votes, rights etc – ie equality for women in a masculinised world. I support those principles absolutely – but we’ve had to behave a lot like men to get them. Now I think we need to go beyond that to demand a valuing of the things that are important to women, to shift the social paradigm from rewarding the one with the most testosterone. And there’s a whole lot of guys who would benefit from that, too.
Cue the Frankie Armstong song, ‘Shall there be womanly times…’
Damn, I’m raving, and I haven’t even had caffeine yet.
Oh, and when there are womanly times, and we value the things that women value, romance will be regarded as a perfectly valid and important form of fiction, and reviewed in the Guardian and the NYT etc. (Which I ranted a bit about in yesterday’s blog entry.)
I’m off to caffeinate.
Yeah and boys’ll knit without shame. (Hi Bron!)
I have a male professor who does needlepoint in class. 😀
I always used to think I was a feminist, until some ‘real’ feminists informed me that I was letting down my gender for choosing to stay at home with my kids instead of doing the career thing. They then informed me how bad a mother I was for not breastfeeding my first baby, and continuously point out the difference between her, and my boys (breastfed). I’ve had feminists tell me that I’m bad for liking romance novels, and evil for liking erotica, as both are degrading to women.
Seriously, the word only has bad connotations for me now.
Jaynie, they are NOT feminists. They are selfish cows. Full stop. A “good” feminist fully supports a woman’s choices, whatever those choices may be. Stay at home, work part-time, full time, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. Just as long as she could and can take part in decision-making process that affects her own life.
You should call those so-called “feminists” a bunch of idiots because that’s what they are.
Hey Jaynie,
Sorry you had such negative experiences with a bunch of close-minded assholes. It’s important to separate the assholes from the movement, though, I think. I mean, I’ve had Christians tell me I’m going to Hell, that my whole family is going to Hell, that I’m a killer (because I’m pro-euthanasia, even though I haven’t ever killed anyone—shit I haven’t even HIT anyone since I grew out of trying to kick my brothers’ asses) and a baby murderer (because I’m pro-choice, even though I’ve never had nor performed an abortion), that some of my friends and family members are abominations of nature (for being gay or bi, natch). And hey, if feminists think I’m degrading women for reading erotica, some Christians firmly believe I’m in league with Satan for doing the same. Christians of a certain stripe are the ones lobbying vigorously for ending the separation between Church and State, and they’re the ones who introduced and successfully passed the completely unconstitutional “One Man, One Woman” marriage laws. Despite this, I know that Christianity in and of itself isn’t that bad a religion, and that it’s the vocal, nutty, intolerant asswipes who are ruining it for everyone.
So yeah, feminism has its share of assholes too. But it also has its share of great people. Just as not every Christian is Jack Chick, not every feminist thinks erotica and romance novels are degrading to women or that staying at home is somehow shameful or unfeminist.
Why put a label on yourself at all? I am unapologetically Christian, and I do have a traditional marriage. But I like to slay my own dragons. My husband tells people that his only role if I get in a fight is to clean up the mess afterward. And woe to the person who tells me or my daughter, or my son for that matter, that they cannot do something because of their gender, religion, or anything else.
If there’s anything degrading to women, it’s The Bachelor!
A sad, sad thing:
I was working as a waitress and in the midst of a conversation a woman next to me began, “I’m not a feminist, but—”
I said, “Do you believe in equal pay?”
She said, “Of course.”
I said bluntly, “Then you’re a feminist.”
The sad thing is, I had this conversation TWENTY YEARS AGO. TWENTY YEARS AGO. Think about it, twenty years ago and there is still the same negative connotations attached to the word “feminist.” Like being a feminist automatically means you’re a man-hating, ball-busting, humorless bitch. No offense to the bitches here.
God forbid a woman should want something for herself. Well, something beyond the acceptance and approval of men. Which I believe wholeheartedly and without reservation is why some women have to preface every statement about her right as an individual to be treated equally with the tired and self-defeating phrase: “I’m not a feminist but…”