Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like “kiss my buns” or “you’re a buns hole”
Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in “bull poo”, “poo head” and this “poo is cold”
Step 3: With bitch drop the t because bich is latin for generosity
Step 4: Dont say fuck any more because fuck is the worst word that you can say
So just use the word mmmkay!
A quote from a letter to the editor published in the RWR:
“There’s a big difference between sensual romance and erotica, and I think we made a big mistake in lowering our standards to accept such a publisher.”
Ahhhh. Right. Must not lower those professional standards. Nope.
Let’s play a game. Guess which type of passage I MUCH prefer reading (and which sounds more professionally-written, period):
A. She had even pretended to be a man while on the opium-carrying ship! Even though dressed again like a man this night, she at least admitted to being a woman, which she most surely was!
B. Trembling now, Eric tried to breathe as steadily as his friend. His own erection felt like a club, hot behind the cloth B.G.’s feather-light caresses tugged. His employer was always gentle, always careful not to hurt. It was the only complaint Eric ever had.
Passage A contains no mention of sex at all, but frankly, I find it much more offensive that a book containing sentences like that (and trust me, the book this was excerpted from was FULL of gems like those) was published.
Now sit down and brace yourself, because this may come as a BIG FUCKING SHOCK (whoops, sorry, BIG MMM-KAYING SHOCK), but I generally don’t judge the merits of a book solely on sex scenes or whether naughty language is used. If the characters engage me, if the craft is solid, if the plot is entertaining, I’ll enjoy the book whether it had 20 sex scenes or none at all. What a revolutionary concept!
And actually, if the romance novel (especially a contemporary) contains explicit sex scenes like, ohhhh, say, humping of the ta-tas, and the characters don’t dare to so much as say “cock” or even “penis” and instead use ridiculous euphemisms like “arousal” or “manhood,” I WILL laugh at inappropriate moments, read the passage out loud to my husband so HE can laugh too, then proceed to make fun of it in excruciating detail in on a website I run with an equally snarky partner. There’s a time and place when no-nonsense descriptions and those naughty Anglo-Saxon words come in handy, people.
I understand that reading about throbbing staffs and moist orifices being violated in a variety of graphic ways does not float everyone’s boat. That’s cool—there are PLENTY of books out there with non-graphic sex scenes. But why these prudes gotta ruin my shit and try to make it harder (huh huh, I said hard) for these books to be published? Leave me to my happy, pervy, foul-mouthed fun, goddammit. I’m certainly not lobbying to have romances that use too many exclamation points or ellipses be banned, no matter how much it offends my tender sensibilities.
Anyway, I’m not going to say any more, because Sylvia, Shannon, Monica and HelenKay have done a more than adequate job of stating how I feel, and repetition is tiresome.