Friends Don’t Let Friends Read Romance Novels

Sarah: I just realized I don’t really have anyone I can talk romance with who remembers characters and stuff until now! Hooray! Can I just tell you how happy I am to have the opportunity to think critically and bitchily about romance novels?

Candy: I think it’s really fun to dish about romance novels with you, too. I think I’ve said this to you before, but all my friends treat my romance novel habit like a sore-ridden crack whore on a street corner: they try to pretend they don’t know it’s there.

Sarah: I am so with you on the friends don’t let friends read romance thing. I never talk about what I’m reading because I am friends with more than a few people who are very into reading Good Books and my choice of brain candy is so beneath them. I just don’t want to hear it. Even Hubby used to give me a hard time (and justifiably so when Fabio was featured on the cover) until I explained that I like romances because I like the guarantee of a happy ending, and I know with a happily ever after I will be satisfied in the end. Plus, I loooove attraction and the initial stages of a romance – and that’s the best part of any story for me. You know, the, Dang he’s HOT stage.

Candy: Yeah, the Very Tall Husband made fun of my romance books too until I pointed out that he reads and loves Terry Goodkind, who’s trashy fantasy. We actually have a pact: he’ll read a romance book if I’ll give Terry Goodkind a shot. So far neither of us has picked up the gauntlet, haha. Peple who meet me are usually surprised to find out I read romance novels because I can be such a book snob and will fucking tear books like The Stone Diaries apart for being uninteresting, overrated pieces of crap, and because I read a lot of “literary” fiction as well other forms of fiction that aren’t quite literary but are still acceptable, like science fiction, children’s books and non-fiction (mostly dealing with the sciences, I love me a good science book). Their stance is “But you have all these GOOD books, these REAL books to read, why do you read romances?” My answer is: Because I like stories with love and sex and happy endings, bitch. Leave me alone!


Ranty McRant

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  1. 1
    Amy G. says:

    How did the two of you steal my brain? You sound exactly me, except I’m, sadly, usually talking only to myself.

    This site cracks me up. I wouldn’t even mind a bad review from you two, because I’m sure it would freaking hysterical.

    And now I’m going to have start saying “fuckery”.

  2. 2
    Amy G. says:

    And there’s a perfect example of why the preview button is your friend. Whole words, just merrily skipped over. Sheesh.

  3. 3
    Candy says:

    Hey Amy, glad you’re enjoying the site. Besides “fuckery”, try using the word “asspirates” when you’re pissed off at somebody. Or “assclown.” Or “assbutler.” Something about “ass + occupation” is so funny to me. “Assdoctor.” “Asslawyer.” “Asswarrantyadministrator.” “Assvicepresidentofmanufacturing.”


    Oh, and your minor boo-boos are nothing compared to this one comment I left a few weeks back, in response to somebody else’s comments about romance novel villains. I meant to say “Patricia Gaffney likes her bad guys thick-necked and beefy” but instead I wrote “Patricia Gaffney, for instance, likes her heroines kind of thick-necked and beefy.” :bug:

    I even used the Preview button and everything. In my desperation, I cheated and deleted the comment and submitted a new one. What can I say? Sometimes this smart bitch borders on being an illiterate bitch.

  4. 4
    version says:

    Oh jesus, reading this entry has made me snort water on my keyboard twice in the period of about a minute.  Also with the loving of the site as well the introduction to my new favourite word- asspirates rocks my world.

    I should mention that I’m pretty grateful to have someone else who sounds like they have the same tastes I do (yay fantasy! boo TSTL retards!) reviewing this genre.

    I do still feel a need to cover up my romance novels when reading them in public – and taking them out in front of my friends tends to invite a barrage of mockery.  Then of course there’s the reverse – friends who mock for being reluctant to read the book out in the open for the aforementioned reasons.  gah.

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