A cover so bad, it’s, well, bad

When Bad Covers Happen to Good People

Sarah: Jay-SUS H. CHRIIIST. I am DYING here. Oh my GOD that cover is AWFUL! The kneeling, the phallic thingys in the background, the expression on his face (“Oh, darling, I’m sorry I’m gay.” “No! No! Let me prove that you are not!”). Oh my GOSH I am convulsing.

How on earth did this get published? I know there’s some question as to whether readers of romance identify with the heroine, the hero, or both, but who is going to identify with either one of the people in this picture? Is anyone going to identify with the disinterested hero who looks utterly unimpressed with a heroine who is, by my estimate, three inches from giving the almighty hummuna humma? And further, why is she so desperate to get into this guy’s pants?

I personally rarely look at the images because they are so often incorrect when you read the actual descriptions of the characters, but geez. I can’t even look at the background and ignore the people, because the artist put these big huge phallic planters in the background, just in case I forget that the underlying message of this and all romantic fiction is erections. It’s all about male erections!

Sheesh.

Candy: Guy: “I don’t know, doctor, it started out as a sore on my leg, and before I knew it, it was sprouting a nice set of knockers.” Girl: “Please, you HAVE to share your Aquanet with me. You don’t understand! If my hair collapses the incredible mass will create a black hole, the likes of which will ultimately destroy the earth!”

This is definitely a case of “When Bad Covers Happen to Good People.” The book received Desert Isle Keeper status at All About Romance, though personally I’d give it a C+/B-. But the cover is an F. Hell, an F-. When I picked it up to read late last year, The Very Tall Husband, who has looked at my collection of be-Fabio’d Laura Kinsale novels with nary a flinch (OK, he flinched a little), took one look at that book and said “Oh geeeez.”

And of course, the models look nothing like the characters in the novel. Charles de Montforte is supposed to be blond and beautiful. The dude on the cover looks blond and kind of like Brad Pitt’s ugly second cousin. Amy Leighton is supposed to a gorgeous, half-Indian ingenue. The woman on the cover is about as Indian as I am, and given the hair, the boobage and the pose, she looks like the type who specializes in twirling around the center-stage pole at Starz Club for Men. Go ahead and read this book, it’s pretty fun, but if you’re taking it out in public please employ a fabric book cover to save the sanity and eyeballs of those around you.

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  1. 1
    Danelle Harmon says:

    Hey, ladies—nobody hated this cover worse than I did!  Hated it, hated it, hated it!  Ohhhh … how I wish we had control over such things…
    —Danelle

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